Bob Thiel, bless him, reveals exciting new details about the Two Witnesses."Did you know that the Bible teaches that the two witnesses will wear at least some black?"
Gasp! No Bob, I'd always read straight past that. And no wonder! Here's the Thielien logic:
Rev.11:13 says the Twosome will eschew suits for sackcloth - quite a fashion statement in 2008.
Next Bob flips over it Isaiah 50:3 where the blackness of heaven is compared to - wait for it - sackcloth!
The clincher for Bob comes in Rev.6:12 where the sun becomes black as... well, you'll be way ahead of me.
Exegesis of this quality is remarkable enough, but Bob is not a man to rest when there's yet more light and truth to break forth. Stirred into this potent brew is a quotation from someone named Ellen G. Wh... no, hang on, correction... Anne Catherine Emmerich, a 19th century Augustinian nun, stigmatic, mystic, visionary and ecstatic, who speaks of "the little black man in Rome" and "the new black church."Being less perspicacious about such things than Bob, I have no idea how he connects Emmerich's racist fantasies with his own fantastic COG scenarios, but alas, this is surely just density and blindness on my part.
But I do have a suggestion of my own about the identity to the Men In Black. Indeed, it's possible to go one better than Bob's helpful visual aid (reproduced above.) Bear in mind that Bob's previous post flailed against Martin Luther for using dynamic equivalence when translating the Bible. Now, remember how Satan mimics truth, then note the cover of the latest Australian Lutheran showing a religious professional garbed in black and astride a beast. Coincidence? I think not. Yes brethren, the Two Witnesses will be bikers in leathers!
And not even Ronnie Weinland knows that.
26 comments:
I think, properly speaking, "dynamic equivalence" is a euphemism for "mistranslation."
Just took a look at Bob Thiel's quote of Emmerich (which, to be accurate, is a quote from Brentano, Emmerich's amanuensis, who is suspected of having been less than faithful in taking dictation from Emmerich). If I'm reading Bob Thiel correctly, he seems to think Emmerich was uttering a prophecy, foretelling the future, but it seems more likely that Emmerich was talking about something happening during her own lifetime.
As for the "little black man" and "black church" references, that seems to be a reference neither to skin color nor clothing, but to a person and a religion who was opposed (or who Emmerich, or Brentano, thought was opposed) to the Catholic Church. As you say, Catholic clergy wear black, so even if this were a prophecy, it's impossible that Emmerich/Brentano was distinguishing any individuals on the basis of wearing black sackcloth. Seeing that Emmerich quote as a prophecy of the Two Martyrs is about as reasonable as Ron Weinland's claim to be one of the Two Martyrs. Bob Thiel can see how unreasonable Weinland is being, but he can't seem to spot his own failures of reason.
I have to say, I find Bob Thiel's interest in dubious Catholic prophecies to be fairly typical of the general lack of critical thinking skills that is characteristic of the committed Armstrongist. In my experience, few Catholics have any knowledge of or interest in the numerous alleged prophecies that the formerly Catholic Bob Thiel puts his trust in. From what I can tell, those Catholics who put stock in such prophecies are apparently few in number and pretty much limited to the more radical fringe of the so-called traditionalist movement.
Well, I've been holding out on all my friends here. Actually, I've known for some time that the Two Witnesses were going to be bikers. The way they get around, their transportation could only be either supernatural, or motorcycles!
By the way, I must hasten to add that I will not be one of them! In fact, I have no idea who might receive this mission or honor should God need to kick His possible scenarios from the book of Revelation into gear. We still have no idea whether humanity is going to repent and turn to God, or whether conditions will actually become similar to the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. I know that the ACOGs assume this to be so, and base their entire ministry upon it, but I don't believe we've passed the point of no return as of yet.
BB
Cool!
Will the "Two Witnesses" also have the "Black Shades"??
Or will their sunglasses be more of the style of the guard on "Cool Hand Luke", the one who never spoke,..."The Man With No Eyes" ???
Bill Lussenheide, Menifee, CA USA
Bob Thiel says, "
Rev.11:13 says the Twosome will eschew suits for sackcloth - quite a fashion statement in 2008."
(Ok Gavin said that..)
However we all know...
M.I.B. Characteristics
The MIB wear black suits with white shirts and black ties.
Their clothes seem to be brand new and fit perfectly, as if tailor-made
MIB have 'expressionless' facial features
They speak formally, using stiff phrases that sound like they come from a Hollywood 'B' movie script
They travel in groups of THREE
When travelling in groups, the Men In Black look almost identical and walk in 'formation'
Their cars appear to be brand new and sometimes sport 'strange' insignia or logos
MIB have smooth featureless skin and a distinct lack of facial hair ( it has been suggested that they look like they dont need to shave)
They have shiny black hair which is always impeccably groomed
They also walk upright with a 'stiff ' gait
MIB seem capable of doing 'impossible' things, like making themselves
appear or disappear without trace
(MIB Webpage)
So I think we can conclude that The Two Witnesses will have first rebelled against MIB guidelines and started their own religious outreach program. This would be in keeping with COG traditions of breaking away from the previous group guidelines to restart the one true MIB truths. Refusing to wear white shirts and eating out on the Sabbath, we can conclude they just may come from RCG.
Furthermore, since Mr. David Pack of RCG will train them, I believe they will retain the aspect of being THREE not TWO as stated in the original MIB quidelines since Mr. Pack would have to go with them and never let them out of his sight.
This is just common sense. Since no two humans have ever been able to work with or for Mr. Pack more than six months...supervision over 3.5 years is vital to see it through. It will be a first for RCG employees.
These Two Witnesses in Black sackcloth will always begin the Day with...
"We are the Two, trained by the ONE," etc.... and then they can begin their day of smiting, drought, fire and so on.
These Two Witnesses will perfect the idea that if people don't listen to you, kill them or at least cut off the water until they either obey the Deity or come up to keep the Feast and play "smile brethren..."
We live in interesting times with fascinating memes (mind viruses) that spin amazing tales using up phenoemenal imagination.
PS
Bob Thiel says:
but specifically that the clothing of the two witnesses will not be FANCY–probably in contrast to the beast, who is likely to be flashy/wealthy in appearance. And in particular, I also suspect that the two witnesses actually will sometimes wear some literal sackcloth, at least at times. And that they will wear at least some black while they are publicly warning the world."
We at least know they won't be fancy pants types, and have the tendency towards changing wardrobes, albeit, boring color schemes.
This may indicate the Two Witnesses are not gay, so that's good I guess.
Is it just me, or is Bob running out of material?
Dennis wrote:
This may indicate the Two Witnesses are not gay, so that's good I guess.
MY COMMENT: Not being homophobic with this statement, BUT... You gotta confess, it would be tough and lack credibility in some fashion in taking an "End of the World", hellfire condemnation from a colorfuly dressed Librace, Charles Nelson Reily, or Paul Lynch.
Bill Lussenheide , Menifee, CA USA
Let me try this one last time. The 2 Witnesses will come from the Restored Church of God.
They have to since RCG is the only true church on the planet.
I am currently holding classes to educate these 2 Witnesses. Since I am an Apostle, I am their boss so to speak.
The 2 Witnesses will take their orders from me.
I will decide who they are from the class. If none are deemed worthy, I will nominate myself. Being an Apostle, I can do this. Now, no more nonsence about the 2 Witnesses.
Yours truely,
Mister Pack.
ps
Black is out, I have decided that I ... er we... er they will wear magenta.
Magenta is a purplish red color evoked by lights with less power in yellowish-green wavelengths than in blue and red wavelengths (complements of magenta have wavelength 500–530 nm).
So let it be written, so let it be done.
"Mister" Pack
And we can prove that Jesus Christ is really the Terminator because he said, "I'll be back"!
We call it Theilology Theilogic.
The clincher for Bob comes in Rev.6:12 where the sun becomes black as... well, you'll be way ahead of me
===
I hope you realize that the Day of the Lord will be exactly 144 times darker than the darkest night - ever:
'...Isa 60:2 For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the LORD shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee'
mister pack said :
I am currently holding classes to educate these 2 Witnesses. Since I am an Apostle, I am their boss so to speak.
Well, I too am an Apostle, and have been one before your motley group was around! So, what I have to say is the truth. You can take this to the bank:
The two witnesses are clearly Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. (I saw the movie.) And in Smith's case, this should make it obvious that Bob Thiel is really onto something.
"And we can prove that Jesus Christ is really the Terminator because he said, "I'll be back"!"
AARRGGGHHHH! Thanks for triggering a flashback. I had to listen to someone go on and on about how T2 was like Christ because he gave his life to save mankind. I never cared much for that guy, but that really confirmed to me that he was a whack job. (I have also never watched a Terminator movie because of his comments.)
Byker Bob should not feel left out---maybe he will be the David Pack of the Two Witnesses, only in the "pit crew/hog mechanic" sense......... (Smile Bob I'm only kidding!)
According to Theilology, Rotten Ronnie fits the definition of the beast. Huh. Who'da thunk it? Weinland is a beast, but it has nothing to do with biblical exegesis.
Am I the only one who sees the LCG and CoG-PKG duking it out Revelation-style in the next three and a half years? It will be the mother of all splinter wars. And that, as they say, is enough said about that.
unfortunately, all of the cults have one glaringly recognizable deficiency; NONE OF THEM FOCUSES ON CHRIST!
it is always something else and then by the way, Christ!
the cult mentality is that the small parts are greater than the whole. the truth is that the whole, IS CHRIST!
the meaningless crusade to hang one's salvation on trivial snipetts about witnesses, holy days, meats, make-up, tithing or any other man made fabrication shows a complete lack of understanding of the SUFFICIENCY OF CHRIST!
you see, THERE IS ABSOLUTLY NOTHING YOU CAN DO!
you cannot buy it, earn it, eat it, steal it or LOSE IT!
you see, THE PLAN BELONGS TO GOD!
man cannot have God's plan. you can only recieve it, freely as a gift. its called GRACE! and it came with a terrible price. no, not to you or me, but to the One who DID EARN IT, CHRIST!
Please, on this day accept the free gift of grace, and put away forever the endless, mindless grasping of the thoughts of men, who only want to "SUBVERT YOUR SOULS," AWAY FROM THE SUFFICIENCY THAT IS CHRIST!
Nelson saith :
Please, on this day accept the free gift of grace, and put away forever the endless, mindless grasping of the thoughts of men . . .
Hey Nelson, what happens if your church bus breaks down on the way to my village, and I don't get to accept your "free gift of Jebiz?"
This is really STUPID.
You are preaching that I need to "accept" the human sacrifice of some man I have never met (nor may never have existed, outside the Christian version of the Jewish scriptures) to "cover" my "sins" of which I am unaware. And all because, if I don't, I'm going into Neotherm's version of Hell - whatever the hell that is.
Sir, please spare us your preaching to the loonies out there, as only they will understand your loony message.
Or, at best, go and get a ministerial certificate as I have done, to qualify you to even open your mouth here. We don't need more de-frucked* ministers like a Armstrong here to "guide" us.
*de-frucked - a minister who is no longer certificated to fruck his sheep.
John 11:35, JESUS WEPT!
When our Lord Jesus Christ was asked why he didn't arrive sooner in order to prevent His friend from dying, Jesus saw that the people were distressed. WHY? Because looking through human eyes, there is only one way for our Lord to save us, THROUGH HUMAN UNDERSTANDING!
JESUS WEPT at this idea!
Immediately, Jesus showed the love and compassion and the real meaning of His salvation. HE STOOD AT THE MOUTH OF THE TOMB AND CALLED LAZARUS OUT! OUT HE CAME!
To answer your question, Jesus is not so limited as to have His grace squelched by a faulty bus!
From nothing, Christ created the entire universe. Why? So that He can demonstrate His love and plan of salvation for all mankind throughout eternity!
His grace and salvation are free, and He will give to all that ask.
All of our sins have already been COVERED! EVEN THE SINS WE DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT! All we have to do is accept His grace.
Please stop thinking about unknown sins, and unanswerable scenarios that seem to limit God! remember, according to human reasoning, man came from slime!
Please just accept the grace of our Lord. And don't worry, even if you are short of faith to believe, even that is provided, because it is the faith of Christ that resides in us, because we don't even have that.
May God bless all that hear His message of hope. May God bless you the freedom to embrace His unending love just for YOU!
Nelson preacheth:
Please stop thinking about unknown sins, and unanswerable scenarios that seem to limit God! remember, according to human reasoning, man came from slime!
So, what's the difference between slime and mud? And human "reasoning" wrote the Bible. So take your pick.
If you feel that you need your Jebiz to "save" you, that's cool. Everybody needs a rabbit's foot to rub now and then. Personally, I find my lucky astrology mood watch to be just as effective in times of distress. And right now it's telling me to get ready for work and to get away from the religious nutz here and their cooties. Ding! Ding! Ding!
Whenever some says "you are just using human reasoning," I ask them what kind of reasoning they use? Usually ends the conversation.
nelson said...
please
please
Oh puh-lease, do say, "Jaysus, Jaysus, Jaysus-uh" one time before the honey all drips out of the corner of your pious mouth.
Human reasoning says that man came from the Earth (those who can reason at all) idiotic nonsense says that everything was poofed into existence by a magician in the sky.
Dennis said :
Whenever some says "you are just using human reasoning," I ask them what kind of reasoning they use? Usually ends the conversation.
Dennis, that is a gem among gems! And I will file that one away, and keep it in my quiver, to be used the next time I meet up with one of these self-righteous fools.
Question tho: what happens when that doesn't "end" the conversation? (And I'll bet you have some stories on this topic.)
'Whenever some says "you are just using human reasoning," I ask them what kind of reasoning they use? Usually ends the conversation.
Dennis, that is a gem among gems! And I will file that one away, and keep it in my quiver, to be used the next time I meet up with one of these self-righteous fools.'
That's an oft-repeated Dartism
Anon. said :
That's an oft-repeated Dartism
Well, thanks. This demonstrates that even guys like Ron Dart can speak the truth, now & then.
Personally, I don't care what source is speaking the truth, as long as it gets out.
every word that ever came out of armstrong or dart's mouths was a lie, especially about reasoning when it came to them and their sick religion of PROFIT!
is that the same human reasoning that allowed dart and armstrong to reason you out of 50% of your paychecks with three tithes and unending holy day offerings but THEY didn't pay any?
or the same human reasoning that allowed sick members to die while armstrong and dart and meredith recieved FREE medical care?
or the same human reasoning that told you to seperate from your divorced families while they kept close contact with theirs?
when someone tries to sweet talk me with dartisms or armstrongisms i just ask them about the above. that usually ends the conversation!
Human reason ISN'T all we've got. The shambolic government that afflicts all nations - and churches - would be avoided if we followed GOD'S reasoning. That won't happen, of course, until there is a heart change - just as the Bible says.
Anonymous said...
Human reason ISN'T all we've got. The shambolic government that afflicts all nations - and churches - would be avoided if we followed GOD'S reasoning.
And God's reasoning is what? And, how does it differ from human reason? Is reason diffent from reason if God uses that reason instead of us humans using it?
Baloney, stupidity and whatever other word that seems appropriate for this nonsense.
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