Monday 26 March 2007

Oh Susanna!

The postings have been a bit slow lately. I blame Susanna. Yes, that's her in the painting. She won't mind, she's used to it. In fact I got carried away with the lady and her story, which you'll find in the Book of Daniel, chapter 13.

Susanna has been the subject of the last assignment for Interpreting the Old Testament. Indulge, said the lecturer, in the "hermeneutics of imagination." Herman who?

Some wiseacre is going to point out the fact that there is no Daniel 13. Quite right, but there is in the Septuagint. Grab a Catholic translation (New American Bible, New Jerusalem Bible) and there it is. Feminine beauty, randy old men, spineless husbands, scandal, Perry Mason...

But while I've been dallying in the garden with Susanna, events have moved on in the Living Church of God. What's going on in Canada? Who is Ross Abasolo, and is he really joining Chuckie Bryce? Apparently so. Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

And income is down, sort of. You brethren better dig deep for those Holy Day offerings.

"...there are a number of projected programs we will have to "cut" if the income level does not increase substantially. Satan's recent attacks have certainly had an effect... I am requesting that you ask the brethren to go "all out" in supporting God's Work at this critical time. Please remind them to set aside some extra large offerings for the upcoming Holy Days."
See, I wasn't kidding. Same old, same old... Susanna was a lot more fun.

I suppose it's proof - as if we needed another example - that houses built on sand wash away at full tide.


Anonymous said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Susanna...come sit here on my kneee...For I come from Fundy Country and thy beauty shan't I see.

Rained all month the week they left
Another Church to beeeeeeeeee
Sun so hot the offerings froze
Oh me, oh my , oh meeeee....

Ohhhhhhhhhh Susanna...there's one thing I can seeeee.
You're just so hot, turns men to mush,
Chapter Thirteen you can't be!

Anonymous said...

I would suggest that one goes on to read Daniel 14 also. That's the story of Bel and the Dragon. a story that shows the trickery of priests where offerings mysteriously disappear.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh Susanna...come wander 'or my waaay...
Now I hear Fourteen... not Twelve...
Oh me oh my, hoi veh!

Sounds like 'daction, snip 'n paste.
The Book to make things seem..
More..or.. than they really are..
Makes one want to scream...

Oh Susanna....I'm crying over theeee
Cause good folks on the
Are duped by propheceeeeeeeeeeeee


Anonymous said...

Satan's recent attacks have certainly had an effect...

One would suppose that God would restrain Satan if the target church were pure of heart -- like the maiden or perhaps matron of Daniel 13.

No, the answer is not mammon of this world. In fact, one would think that would be the Devil's trap: The more money you have, the more you would tend to forget about God.

No, dear friends, the answer lies in repentance from idolatry and turning back to one's God. Only then will Satan be stayed and the Devil put at bay.

Until then, all the money in the world won't help. Maybe our illustrious friends should read Matthew 4 and Luke 4 again.


For you dunces who just don't get the tone of these postings, tongue is planted firmly in cheek and full irony has been employed, if you can understand what that means, which, so far, there is no evidence that you have one shred of understanding -- so consider that before you get all huffy and accuse people of say, attacking the Catholic church, instead of taking pokes at the church of gods. Prove how bright you are by restraining yourself from posting.

Anonymous said...

The Irish and British are “Really” Related. According to a recent New York Times article, DNA research appears to show that the British and Irish peoples are closely related and may even be related to some in the Netherlands and Norway. This evidence is causing great discomfort..."

"Many who once were in the old Worldwide Church of God, but who abandoned those beliefs, have scoffed LCG's continued belief on this subject. Perhaps some will realize that the truth in on LCG's side on this." Bob Thiel

Off topic I realize, but BT need take the DNA test back a bit further to see that humans spread out from eastern Africa, approx 150,000 years ago into Europe and the Americas, approx 35,000 and 15,000 years ago respectively. I doubt this would be high on the list of DNA truths LCG crows about..

Anonymous said...

"...the British and Irish peoples are closely related and may even be related to some in the Netherlands and Norway."

This set of facts fit more than one model. The Jewish view that these people are descended from Gomer and Ashkenaz is supported by this data.

The Irish are Celts and many of the British have Celtic ancestry, so there is no surprise there.

-- Neo

Anonymous said...

How does Irish and Brits being related make the case for Brits and Jews being related (as in lost tribes)? That is the premise of British Israelism.....

I am missing something here?

But then they never did tech logic at AC did they?

Anonymous said...

I cant wait for "Byker Bob's" analysis of the picture of Susanna!


        AMERICAN KABUKI said...

Text is online at:

Anonymous said...

In response to a special request from the Lussenheide, I'm honored to present the following analysis of the painting of Susana.

Normally, one would think of a young woman indulging in an obvious threesome as being excited. The painter failed to depict this when capturing the lady's breasts on canvas. In fact, the painting lacks any hints of smoldering sexuality at all. Perhaps this rendering is from the Victorian era. Artists today make a much more thorough study of musculature and anatomy, and many contemporary drawings and paintings reflect this.

Also, she's so white, it's almost blinding! But, this could be because yours truly has always preferred exotic ethnic females, especially Latin and Black ladies.
Long dark hair, brown eyes, and olive or darker complexion, accompanied by a mild foreign accent, somehow always grab me.

Susana does not have any tattoos, and that's cool. I like my ladies clean, although perhaps one tat of a rose on the shoulder is OK.


brave anonymous poster said...

"...there are a number of projected programs we will have to "cut" if the income level does not increase substantially."

ho boy...I sure hate to see them start begging for could ask "where is their faith?"

or maybe they're going in a direction that God doesn't want them to, so He's cut their funding...

I get suspicious when church leadership starts squeezing the membership for money.

jorgheinz said...

Oh,dear what can we say.

The Income is down again.Why is it, that the Chruches of God perpetually wrestle with the problem of income.They might have to do as any other activity does....TRIM EXPENSES.Get rid of some of the superfluous bureaucracy.

But,that of couirse, would never occur to them.

Downsize in cars, in office buildings, in ministerial salaries from bottom to the top.

But, of course that would never occur to them,would it?

Susanna makes far better reading than the self-imposed woes of the COGS.


Anonymous said...

"Normally, one would think of a young woman indulging in an obvious threesome as being excited. The painter failed to depict this when capturing the lady's breasts on canvas. In fact, the painting lacks any hints of smoldering sexuality at all. Perhaps this rendering is from the Victorian era."

I know you're not being serious, BB, but even so, lest there be any doubt, this painting of Susanna and the Elders is much earlier than the Victorian era. About the closest you'd come to this style of painting during the Victorian era is Pre-Raphaelitism. This painting is Alessandro Allori's study of the story of Susanna. Allori, and Italian painter of the Florentine school, died in 1607.

The reason the painting lacks any smoldering sexuality is because it is the depiction of an attempted rape, and rape is not sexy. Her facial expression shows that she is not taking kindly to the way the two lechers have seized her arm and her leg. Also, the almost blinding whiteness of her skin is symbolic of Susanna's purity.

Many painters have treated the biblical story of Susanna, but one of the most important of them was done in 1610 by Artemisia Ghentileschi.

Her Susanna and the Elders isn't sexy either, but depicts the vulnerable Susanna cowering in terror as the two lechers propose to defile her. One year after executing that painting, Artemisia Ghentileschi would herself become a rape victim, and then would suffer the further outrage of being tortured by court officials to find out if she was telling the truth about her rape.

One last bit of trivia about the story of Susanna: In Catholic Bibles it appears as Daniel 13, because St. Jerome moved it to the end of book when he created his Latin Vulgate. However, in the original Septuagint and in Theodotion's Greek versions of Daniel, the story of Susanna appears between Daniel chapters 2 and 3.

Anonymous said...

Oh, my!

So the LCG is putting the squeeze on it's members 'dig extra deep in their pockets' for mo money!?!?

Where have I heard that one before?
I think it's a replay of the old "gun lap" and "Satan's attacks" schpiel.

Isn't there a verse in the Bible about the birdies not needing to worry about where the food is going to come from, and that God would provide?

Was there a verse about how the vultures need to insist that people "dig deep"?

I think the LCG may be just shooting themselves in the foot with that one, as I imagine that such a decree will just shift more LGC members over to the UCG.

All while the grab for "market share" rolls on...


Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot to mention that in the Catholic Church's liturgical calendar, usually the scripture readings for today, Monday during the fifth week of Lent, would include the story of Susanna from Dan. 13. So it was interesting that Gavin would post on the story of Susanna on this day, of all days.

However, those scripture readings were superseded by the readings for the Feast of the Annunciation, which usually is on March 25, but this year was moved to March 26 because Sunday takes precedence over most holy days.

kscribe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kscribe said...

Anonymous said...
No, the answer is not mammon of this world. In fact, one would think that would be the Devil's trap: The more money you have, the more you would tend to forget about God.<<<


I would have to confess that I know of a gospel that only a FEW have read! Few know this truth. Todays modern churches don't teach it. Children in public schools have not learned it. All of MANKIND does not UNDERSTAND IT! They put THEIR HOPE IN A FALSE GOSPEL!!! The GOSPEL OF TRUTH SCREAMS OUT for those who have ears to hear what they do not want to HEAR!!! Oh brethren, why don't you heed my instruction? Can you not see the light with your eyes that grow dim?

Now brethren, I present to you the truth as you have never heard it before! Please pray fully consider what TRUTH I OFFER YOU and YOUR FAMILIES!

Let the Lord Jesus guide your mouse over to:

Anonymous said...

Hey KScribe,


Who ever heard of Ladiocian? What you drinking dude?

kscribe said...

What you drinking dude?

At the current moment, some Jesus juice topped off with smirnoff....

Anonymous said...

Hey Lussenheide, I think you will like the above video. "Won't let my people go......"

Anonymous said...


I just got out my New American Bible, St. Joseph Edition, and read Daniel 13, because I really was not familiar with the story of Susanna. You see, Garner Ted, for some reason or other, never used this as part of his sermon material.

Right now, people out there in blogger land are probably wondering, "What the heck is an agnostic, former COGger doing with a Catholic Bible?" Well, agnostic doesn't mean one closes one's mind. A genuine truth seeker continues to look for answers. I believe that in the WCG, we were not encouraged to explore, and I really wanted to learn more about the Deuterocanonical books. Who knew that there were parts of other books which were also missing, such as Daniel 13 and 14?

The story of Susanna is a great example of morality and trust under duress. I realize now that biker humor was inappropriate. When I first saw the painting, I was thinking of the story of Potiphar's wife, Lot's daughters, and other tales that I've often thought were more consistent with Chaucer than the Bible.

I apologize.


Anonymous said...

"Oh dear, how sad, never mind." It really ain't 'alf hot mum!!
Now stop it or you will all surely go blind!!

Anonymous said...

The man on the painting must have a very long arm to have his fingers showing on the woman’s waist.

Did any one else notice that?

( I know it’s a silly question, but those fingers being there appeared strange to me)

Anonymous said...

I don't think so. His face is right next to the left side of her abdomen, and she's quite slender, so there doesn't seem anything wrong with the proportions in the placement of his right hand.

That right hand is pretty creepy, though. Gives me the willies.

Anonymous said...

I need glasses, jared olar.

I missed seeing the other man, thought there was only one man.
Your right about the creepy fingers.

Anonymous said...

Are there any artists out there who could modify the picture? It'd be nice if someone could superimpose the heads of Garner Ted and Herbert W. on to the bodies of the elders.