Saturday, 22 September 2007

Pathetic Penmanship?

Bear with me on this one...

I have a friend from WCG days, a foundation member of the church here in New Zealand, now retired, whose anonymity I'll respect (though I know many NZ readers will know exactly who he is.) Let's call him Bill. Always a quick wit, Bill writes humorous verse. He's had his work published in local newspapers and read on air by appreciative radio hosts. His interests are political (no great fan of "political correctness"!) and he does a fine job in gently poking the borax at the troubled events unfolding in the Churches of God.

I've been blessed with poetic missives from this source for several years now, as have many others who know the writer from a shared past. Having a pre-Tabernacles poem arrive on your fax machine, or in the post (Bill usually avoids email) is a rare pleasure. Some of his contributions even featured on the old AW site. That said, he's far more traditional than most readers here when it comes to theology, retaining a lively interest in British-Israel. Usually he signs his work with a nom-de-plume, but everyone knows who it comes from: this Kiwi COGster is definitely in a class of his own.

Okay, so there's the scene set. Now the tale.

Some time back Mr Kinnear Penman, representative of the Living Church of God in NZ, contacted a friend of Bill - another longtime member who has since moved on - to discuss a reunion of folk who were members of the Auckland congregation from the beginning. Bill's email address was passed on to Mr Penman on the assumption that an invitation would be issued.

Nice, huh? Despite the parting of ways, Church of God people can still talk over old times and renew friendships.

Now it turns out that Mr Penman has been on Bill's mailing list too. Mr Penman is not, however, famous for his self-deprecating sense of humor.

In any case, true to his word, the LCG minister did contact Bill.

Now what, might you imagine, would he say?

Dear Bill

I hope you don't mind me contacting you with this email address. Jim kindly passed it on so I could give you advance notice of a forthcoming reunion of church members from the old days. I'll pass on details just as soon as they come to hand.

Thank you for sending me the occasional poetic opus. Life is pretty busy at the moment, and I don't often get the chance to read them through, but there's no mistaking your style! Perhaps in the meantime you could drop me off your list and save postage. I know you'll understand where I'm coming from.

In any event, I'm looking forward to renewing acquaintance at the get-together, and hope you can make it. It should be great to catch up with so many from years past.

With warm Christian greetings
Kinnear Penman

Well, he could have written something like that.

But instead he wrote this.

Bill (or [nom-de-plume])

We are getting sick of receiving your pathetic doggerel. We have absolutely no interest in it. Please desist. Haven't you got something better to do with your time? I guess not.

If you were proud of your miserable efforts at poetic commentary why did you go to such lengths to try, unsuccessfully, to hide your identity? A rhetorical question - no answer expected or wanted.

Go away.

Kinnear Penman

And the title of that email? Surprise!!

Any further comment on my part would be superfluous. Anyone willing to put $5 down on a wager that Mr Penman will get over his outburst and follow up with a fulsome apology?

No, thought not.


Anonymous said...

Captain Howdy, that wasn't very nice....


Anonymous said...

Can't you just feel the love of Jesus!

Wouldn't want to be a lonely old widow asking that a.h. for favors.

Lussenheide said...

Sounds like a graduate of the "Bob Thiel Charm School"!


Anonymous said...

Living? Isn't that church that had a member murder the minister and several members at church services on the Sabbath?

Perhaps yet another name change should be in the works.

Once there was a man who did play,
Upon the hypocrisies of the church of God in his day,
Unappreciated as Aesop was he,
Disclosing embarrassments for folks to see,
The leaders just want him to go away.

So this means that he is a true Apostle: "One sent forth".

Everywhere he goes, churches ask him to leave!

Though you have a singular wit, I fear,
That Living Church of God far and near,
Of the Kiwi they insist,
That he must now desist:
They've been told much more than they're willing to hear.

Blame it on Herbert Armstrong: He didn't want to hear anything critical either.

There once was a man in CoG7,
Filled with the hypocrisy of leaven,
Wanting them to lie,
And teach nonsensical BI,
While his rebellion stank to high heaven.

Anonymous said...

The minister in question was asked one time about assisting the peoples of Burma who had learned of the teachings of the church. Over 15,000 Burmese had old COG literature translated from English to a dialect of one of the tribes. They reached out to Living and KP mentioned once that the LCG turned them away because they did not want to be asked for money.

Go away....I guess the same attitude is given towards those who ask for literature and a helping hand.


Anonymous said...

Gavin, in case anyone would like to send their own warm Christian greetings to Kinnear, can you supply an email address?

XCGMouse said...

A lot of times, unsolicited correspondence can be quite irritating.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

When it comes to pass in that day,
The world will need to be rebuilt without delay,
But those who are from Living,
Not used to sharing and giving,
Will tell the poor to just go away.

Not Seamus

Anonymous said...

For old false prophets we would like to remind,
Whose hoary heads with deep wrinkles are lined,
Of stubbornness will they not relent,
Though we recommend they repent,
To buy gold in the fire much refined.

Not Seamus

Anonymous said...

Of e-mail interactions we are relating,
Which some find so very irritating,
But to be fair,
Hidden truth is found there,
The type which is found to be deflating.

Not Seamus

Anonymous said...

Though with sarcasm some emails are dripping,
We find the messages within somewhat gripping,
What we can we say?
It's come to the day,
That the church called Living is slipping.

Not Seamus

Anonymous said...

Through poems of witty invention,
You'll find that it is our intention,
Though told to be gone,
We'll go on and on,
To bring forth things Living won't mention.

Not Seamus

Anonymous said...

We're all appalled we must confess,
What's supposed to be more is so much less,
We hear the asses bray,
Just please go away,
We don't want to hear we're a mess.

Anonymous said...

With great enthusiasm they should be so fired,
But instead with antediluvian doctrines are they mired,
BI this and prophecy that,
It's so very old hat,
Their church doctrines are really so tired.

Anonymous said...

And as you all here, give them a great roasting
Could you not put it all in one posting?

Anonymous said...

Inspiration is tricky, what can we say,
Done all at once in separate postings and then go away.

Anonymous said...

Could you not put it all in one posting?

The answer is no.

Although they were very close together, they were thought up separately serially without any connection to one another and the next idea only came after the previous one had been posted.

Anonymous said...

Ok I do gotcha, it does work that way...
When thoughts come like bubbles
So what can I say?

Twas Dear Mr. Penman
Who rebuffed Gavin's friend Bill
And showed he had anything
But love and good will

Anonymous said...

Blogs are a wonderful medium:
Seldom rare nor well done;
But with this topic you'll have to admit,
We've certainly had such great fun!

Anonymous said...

From God's chosen loving servant Mr. Kinnear Penman

We're sick of receiving your doggerel pathetic
Desist please this minute, as you just don't get it.

Have you not better things for you to do?
Did I tell ya My Christ has distain for you?

So proud you are of your effort annonymous.
Please go away, We want simply none of this.

For off to the Feast we do Merrily Go
To learn how to rule, For Jesus you know

To love them and teach them, their tears wipe away.
But not yours of course, I bet you're gay.

For we are God's people
Not you loser boy
I am a minister
With me not to toy

I am a helper of everyone's Joy
Well not you of course
Not you
Loser boy

I'm sorry with you I must be so frank
But God has told me to give you a spank

Rejoice in correction
It's God's true right way
To encourage you son
And make your whole day

Well off to the Feast
To learn our God's way
What can I tell ya
Yippee Ki yi yay

And when we return
We'll bless our sweet babies
And I'll spread my love
Like a mad dog spreads rabies


Go away

Bamboo_bends said...

Personally I'm glad †Living Church of God† has such fine «public relations» talent on their editorial staff.

We can only hope they keep it to PDF files and don't waste good trees on paper for that British-Israel tripe.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, they do both, though sparing forests would be more honorable in this case over conserving electrons.

Anonymous said...

To K. Penman,

What difference does it make what you believe if you are still a jerk?

cracker said...

Don't let it bring you down, it's only castles burning.

Anonymous said...

Castles made of sugar cubes, no doubt.

Anonymous said...

Please let me know where and how I may sign up for the Bob Thiel Charm School.

I have recently lost interest in being a facilitator in Ron Dart's upcoming "God's kids making wigs for Ronzie out of pipe-cleaners" planned Feast workshop.

In the interest of moving on to Bob Thiel's Charm School, I'm willing to sell 2 pallets of pipe-cleaners back to Ronzie's org while not even mentioning the fact that his mentor liked to dance around whacking his wiener with his hand while trying to score.

Byker Bob said...

As we were taught to say at Amballador Cossage, "I believe the conversation has degenerated!"


Anonymous said...

Arrogance and pomposity were the hallmarks of the former Worldwide ministry.I doubt if Christ would have recognised his spirit in them.

Of course,they held the implied threat of dire consequences from God if there was any criticism.

But the pomposity and arrogance still remains, 21 years after Herb died.Nothing has changed.

The Bible says that many false churches will flap their mandibles vainly,saying they are from God.

But Matt 28 shows their reproof from Christ,himself,and none has shown themselves to be of the true faith.

One person I am acquainted with said they served "El Roi" and they were personally responsible to that deity, only.Affectation, I replied, BIG-NOTING.And,anyway,in this country we speak English, and not Hebrew and Aramaic.And as I continued,"Do you imagine that you are God's sole representative on earth.There are possibly 3 BILLION people out there who worship God in one form or another,and claim they are his sole agent".

And that would be the message to Mr Kinnear Penman,too.He is but one of BILLIONS including Roman Catholics,Muslims,Episcopalians,
Lutherans,Methodists,Presbyterians,Anglicans etc.

So, Kinnear you are nothing special.Come down from off your ceramic throne and be a little more contrite,humble and not so BLOODY ARROGANT.You show anything BUT the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

And Kinnear,may I remind you that your friends in United,Worldwide, Philadelphia,The Journal in their own way,also publish the "TRUTH".You don't have it to yourself.

And tens of thousands are keeping the Feast who have no need of Pastor Penman or the Living Church of God.God is leading these unknowns into all truth without your help.

Festival keeping will not put you in God's good books.Humility,compassion,
gentleness,will however, but evidence of these traits,at this point in time, is severely lacking.



Anonymous said...

I forgot to add the relevant scripture when I told Kinnear to climb down from his ceramic throne.

Pehaps he could extend " bowels of mercies" towards his lesser mortals for once in his life.


Anonymous said...

Nice to see you have both sides of the story. *cough*

I don't see any commentary on how often Mr Penman received these, or how many times the "anonymous" sender was asked to desist, or the content of the messages sent. As we can see from the above "poetic" commentaries - they not doubt amounted to nothing more than a continuing spiel of abuse and mockery.

I don't know the answers to these questions either, but the degree of judgement exercised by yourself and your commenters is disturbing - you have LESS THAN HALF of the story - not even a complete disclosure of facts from ONE side.

Perhaps, Ambassador Watch, you should read the "poems" posted in your comments, and try to imagine how one might react who's not accustomed to continual abuse by hounders. I wonder how many the author has continued to send despite being asked not to and all the while (even beforehand), flying in the face of unsolicited mail being illegal to transmit by any form within New Zealand (provisions are made for local shopping circulars).

You clearly like sensationalist border-line tabloid news to post - but posting "as true" a story from a talented writer who has his own gripe to project without verifying any aspect of the story or thinking through the implications yourself insults your own credibility alone.

Of course.. YOUR pessimistic flock isn't exactly known for their objective thinking.

Anonymous said...

While I was using Google to try to find Mr Penman's email address, I came across this blog site. Quickly recognising what this blog was about, I flicked down to the comments and read some disturbing poems and carnal messages. Let me just say, though I am in fact on my way to cancel a subscription to tomorrow's world: I can't help but notice, though I am not sure whether the truth is with them, I am at least equally unsure of the idea the truth is with you spiteful mockers. Have you never read in the scriptures "Love thy neighbour as thyself"? Ask the question, whether true Christians would do such things? Would the Holy Spirit be guiding God's children to do such things?!!!