Yes brethren, it's the last day of July and no more sleeps to go. After weeks of anticipation we can all finally yell out...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERB!
The apostle was born in Old Des Moines today in 1892. Fireworks and revelry began at midnight as millions poured out of cities like New Auckland and Lomaville (formerly Sydney) to pay homage to God's Right Hand Man, who has just returned from his 33rd Universe-wide junket visiting alien government heads in Andromeda on behalf of the Government of God. The biggest celebrations have yet to commence when the first rays of the sun strike the New Temple in Armstrong City (formerly Jerusalem) in a few hours time. Since He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named returned in glory in 1975 the world has been transformed into a true Garden of Eden, and we are all very, very grateful. Just yesterday the resurrected Richard "Dick" Armstrong placed the final shovel full of soil - removed in 1982 from the summit of Mount Everest - into what had been the Atlantic Ocean. Prophecy is being fulfilled before our eyes!
Not even the rebellion of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named can dampen the thrill of this year's Herbalmass; after all, we're all aware of other sons who went wrong. Exactly where HWMNBN will establish his new rebel headquarters is as yet unknown, but Herbert W. Armstrong, now promoted to fill his executive role, has ruled out a possible location in the Sides of the North. Roderick C. Meredith, now number 3 following the defection of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, is quoted in The Happier, Bestest Ever News as saying: "let him camp out in the Dog Star."
Meanwhile "Kscribe" has released his annual birthday bash tribute to the Mighty One at www.herbertwarmstrongvideo.net, please report any family members who fail to view it to the local enforcement office in your area.