Saturday, 30 December 2006

Predictions for 2007

The inimitable Douglas Becker (that's not him in the picture) has suggested some predictions for 2007. Sounds like fun. Here are a few to get the ball rolling - feel free to chip in with your own!

Disclaimer: No crystal ball has been used, no apocalyptic texts twisted, no astrological charts checked, no witch of Endor consulted and no dice tossed.

* At least one major split will occur in one of the 5 biggest COG groups.

* One of the smaller splinters will quietly fold up and die.

* More of the Armstrong-generation "leading ministers" and administrators will shuffle off the scene.

* Joe Tkach will retain his unelected President for Life position in the WCG.

* COG membership will continue to decline.

* People will die because of the healing doctrine in hardline sects like PCG.

* WCG will resist any calls for greater transparency.

* RCG's website rankings will slip down the greasy poll to a more realistic level.

* Gerry Flurry will discover a new truth.

* The advertising content of The Journal will get even crazier.

* Rod Meredith will call a day of fasting.

* Ron Weinland will start qualifying and backtracking as he realises that he's painted himself into a date-setting corner.

* Nobody will flee to Petra.


Anonymous said...

I would almost bet my last dollar on all of those coming true. If only one would come true you would be more believable than HWA ever was, and he tried for over 50 years to get something right in prophecy.
rod 2

Ezekiel 34 said...

Here is another prediction for 2007. In amazement the COG’s which is but a small part of the church will hear the testimony that Babylon is the church, fallen because of her errors and sins, because of her rejection of the truth sent to her from heaven. As the people go to their former teachers with the eager inquiry, are these things so? The ministers present fables, prophesy smooth things, to soothe their fears and quiet the awakened conscience. However, since many refuse to be satisfied with the mere authority of men and demand a plain "Thus saith the Lord," the popular ministry, like the Pharisees of old, filled with anger as their authority is questioned, will denounce the message as of Satan and stir up the sin-loving multitudes to revile and persecute those who proclaim it.

As the controversy extends into new fields and the minds of the people are called to God's downtrodden law, Satan is astir. The power attending the message will only madden those who oppose it. The clergy will put forth almost superhuman efforts to shut away the light lest it should shine upon their flocks. By every means at their command they will endeavor to suppress the discussion of these vital questions. The church appeals to the strong arm of civil power, and, in this work, papists and Protestants unite. As the movement for Sunday enforcement becomes bolder and decided, the law will be invoked against commandment keepers.

For now is the time to be loyal to God and not man’s religion. Now is the time to go back to biblical doctrine and not the doctrine of men.

Now is the time that religious intolerance would gain control in the United States, that church and state will unite to persecute those who keep the commandments of God.

I pray that you can now begin to see why God broke up the Church of God.

The sifting has begun.

Anonymous said...

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Jared Olar said...

Well, we can be absolutely confident that the prediction of "ezekiel 34" won't come true in 2007. What a fantasy world you have to be living in to think that any of those things could happen in the next 12 months (assuming Armstrongism is true, which it isn't).

Douglas Becker said...

I must say that without the beard, it isn't a bad likeness at all. Good choice, Gavin.

Those who have my book, Assertive Incompetence, should check page 204 to see how to make predictions. For those who have been too lazy to acquire a copy, I give you the major points here, now:

1. Predict the past
2. Avoid specifics
3. Predict the obvious
4. Leave home (prophets have no honor in their own country)
5. Leave yourself an out
6. Predict interesting stuff

I should note once again that for the past 30 years now, I have accurately predicted the outcome of every election, each time and every time.

And so I begin:

1. Saddam Hussein will be executed.
2. There will certainly be more weather, perhaps, and that unexpectedly -- which may, or may not, some how fulfill prophecy or not.
3. President Bush will not be re-elected in 2007.
4. I am going to services in United in Bellevue, Washington today and will be at least 35 miles from home.
5. Of course, that's if the Lord is willing and the creeks don't rise, which around here lately....
6. So Brad Pitt and Angela are a hot item. The word here is that they might have some major affect on the Church of God in the next year. Watch the tabloids to be sure, but expect almost anything!

Continuing on Page 205, with the very first of my own personal predictions:

1. Jesus Christ is not returning to earth this year. He said that he would come at a time when we "think not", and since there's someone somewhere predicting that He will come on this day or that, it means that someone is looking for Him to come on that day, and so, therefore, He won't.

And for you troglodites self-satisfied in your own conceits, here are the rest of the predictions in Assertive Incompetence which are certain to occur:

4. There are as many as two dozen awards shows a year, and this year, I predict winners! [That's better than last year!]
5. Unless there are clouds obscuring it, or you're indoors where you can't see it, the sun will rise tomorrow. Actually, it won't; that's just an illusion, but it seems that way, and that's what's important: Image.
6. More business deals will be made this year! Many companies will profit from them!
7. You'll be able to buy more and different products this year! That's right, the varieties of things available will be staggering. You might even be able to get that refrigerator that orders things over the Internet when the shelves get low!
8. There's going to be entertainment this year! There will be shows, presentations, concerts galore. It may be difficult to choose among them.
9. Life will continue on earth. There will continue to be births in almost every country!
10. Many fat people will lose weight this year! No predictions about whether they'll keep it off, though.
11. Professional Televised wrestling will continue to astound the weak minded!
12. Supermarket tabloids will make more astounding discoveries and predictions!
13. A few people will sleep right through all the excitement!

Finally, Jared, you dolt! Ezekiel 34 will yet again be fulfilled this year:

The flock will again be a prey as the hirelings scatter the sheep. God will continue to be against the so-called shepherds yet again this year. Blogs like this are a sure indication. Beyond that, the sheep will be fleeced before they are eaten by the ravening wolves in sheep's clothing.

So wrong, with so much at stake and with such an opportunity to be right. Tsk, tsk! The handwriting is on the wall: And this is the writing that was written, MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN. Twenty years down of the forty of testing and trials. My message to the cult of gods is this -- direct and simple -- "Fix the problems". And I would add, "Or else".

Byker Bob said...

Dr. Bob Thiel will display amazing open mindedness by renting and watching "The DaVinci Code". Unfortunately, this will set off an epiphany in his mind, and he will write a dissertation proving that Roderick C. Meredith is a direct descendant of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.


Anonymous said...

1. Saddam Hussein will be executed.

Mr. Becker, truly you are a prophet of the most high! It seems you got this message from the Lord ahead of time! Now if RM can out do you this year, that will be called a running tie! Perhaps a neck tie party for Rod if the sleepy sheep ever awake to the truth about their master!

Holy and True,

WallyWorldTomorrow said...

Prediction Addiction? Apparently Wally G Smith, uh, like they say, "caught the vision"!

Check out a number of oldies but goodies from the boys over at Tomorrows World a.k.a. Living Church of God/Rod, including this helluva prediction from WallyWorldTomorrow. He seems to have what we call an Identity Crisis.

Oh-boy! My relatives are gonna get cooked, oh yeah!! Praise the Lord!

Then make sure you: "E-mail us concerning
this telecast", here:

WallyWorldTomorrow said...

I have a true prediction for you all:

Bob Spiell Will continue with the Charlotte, NC's Papal Propaganda Prophecies.

Bob, do something productive (like actual research). *Too much Spanky can leave one tired and broken-hearted!* (You should already know this. After all you ARE a doctor).

Honestly, tho; I await the day that Bob Thiell calms down and thinks clearly. He just needs to close the various 'the plain truth about this and that' booklets (which are ALWAYS ERRONEOUS) and give the Word of God a chance to speak! Start with Col. 2:14, 16-18. If Bob gave God a chance to talk over Rod he might be much less defensive about things. A Sabbath rest in the Lord has to be better than one in bed with Garner Ted. Stop believing the doctrines of men. I mean, c'mon Doc; PROVE that tempermental, alcoholic, possibly child-molesting HWA actually was an Apostle. (prove ALL things doc). THEN COG-Write about it. Please! I would love more than anything to know for certain one way or the other! This is hugely important.

Miguel de la Rodente said...

With son Stephen's book fizzling out, Gerald Flurry attends a rather strange auction, at which he purchases a plastic coated fecal specimen identified as having come from Herbert W. Armstrong. He places this on display in a gold embellished glass case in the HWA College auditorium in Edmond Oklahoma.

PCG members are encouraged to kneel respectfully as they view this, Flurry's holy grail.

Douglas Becker said...


"1. Saddam Hussein will be executed.

"Mr. Becker, truly you are a prophet of the most high! It seems you got this message from the Lord ahead of time!"

Prophet, smophet. I'm no prophet. I predict the past. I didn't get it from God, I got it from CNN.

And as for my prediction #4, it did come true. Today's sermon was given by the son of the erstwhile president of United, David Holliday. David works for Microsoft and is moving to Australia. I will certainly be sure to give him an address in Yast New South Wales. Count on it. As for the pleasant personal talk I had with Dennis Luker today, I suppose that none of you would want to hear about any of that, nor the proposed booklet on Alcholism, nor would you want to hear the news about what United is planning to do with the "A Sabbath Test" booklet coauthored by a UCG attendee whose website has temporarily removed the critical aspects concerning United members eating out on restaurants on the Sabbath as the Council of Elders at UCG consider it. The fascinating politics of it all might leave you confused. Pictures at 11:00. Or so. Tomorrow. If I'm not too lazy. So much for the pronouncements of the Canberra Prophet. And United is doing very well, thank you very much -- they are paying off the mortgage on the Home Office and their income is now running at a 10% increase this year.

I predict that United... nah, you don't want to hear it.

Richard said...

I can see these predictions, and raise you one.

I'm betting the sun will rise in the east every morning in 2007.

Richard said...

At the other end of the spectrum, there's this prediction:

Libro said...

And United is doing very well, thank you very much -- they are paying off the mortgage on the Home Office and their income is now running at a 10% increase this year.


Hey, no fair! According to this week's update, LCG is running at only 8.2% increase for the year!

United better recheck their books! That pathetic Laodicean United organization cannot possibly be growing faster than the Spearpoint of the Most Important Work On This Planet!

Dennis said...

I predict an obscure book, entitled either "From Pastor to Bastard--One Pilgrim's Progress Through the Foolishness of Fundamentalism", or "Fundamentally Flawed--A Journey Out of Fundamentalism," written by an obscure former Pastor of an obscure Church denomination will burst onto the scene from obscurity and remain relatively obscure, but darn if I won't feel better and move on....

Feel free to offer more obscure titles. The winner gets to stay home from church and save Ten Percent or more, depending! :)

Gavin said...

Now Dennis, I hope you're not just kidding around with that prediction - because that's one book that I'd definitely buy ;-)

Dennis said...

Ha...I have been told to write a book and I realized after reading all my articles the past year , I had. Don't worry, I spell checked them!!! Editing now but in no hurry..

Douglas Becker said...


There's good reason we've dubbed it the Living Dead Church of God. And that was before Millwaukee!

Anonymous said...

I just saw on Dr. Bob Thiel's site where he lambasts Pat Robertson's failed prophecies for 2006. I wonder if he would kindly do the same for HWA's, Spanky's and others in LCG?,
rod 2

Douglas Becker said...

I just saw on Dr. Bob Thiel's site where he lambasts Pat Robertson's failed prophecies for 2006.

As one following "the pot calling the kettle black," could you please give the URL for this phenomenon, since Thiel's website is a mess and it's nearly impossible to find anything?

Robertson predicted bad storms in the Pacific Northwest as quoted by the Seattle Times, and that is nothing special since we have them every year, but the Tsunami, well, that never happened. We want to watch "Dancing with Wolves" -- the onese described in Matthew 7:15, that is!

Anonymous said...

Yes Dennis,
It is

Anonymous said...


You Simpleton, next time open your Bible before you type some words against Mr. Ezekiel 34 because if you did,, you would understand what this observer is talking about. Next time read. You act like the on the payroll of one of these COG's. Well maybe you are.

jorgheinz said...

I predict that there will always be predictions.


Libro said...

You act like the on the payroll of one of these COG's. Well maybe you are.

Nah. Jared's actually on the Jesuit payroll. ;-)

You Simpleton, next time open your Bible before you type some words against Mr. Ezekiel 34...

Okay, my Bible's open, so now I can type some words. Mr. Ezekiel 34 says Babylon consists of all of the Christian faith that has fallen? Fine. It's a real possibility. Sadly, my open Bible doesn't seem to predict that the laity will suddenly come to understand this in such a way that it'll shock them to the core. It does not tell me that papists and Protestants will unite to enforce Sunday. It certainly does not say that national Sunday laws will be put in force in A.D. 2007.

If anything, Mr. Ezekiel 34 seems to be trying to force today's world scenario to fit Bible prophecy. This is what Tim LaHaye does in the Left Behind series. It's what the Catholic Church did centuries ago when they speculated that Mohammed was the Beast. It's what the Church of God, Seventh Day did during World War I. And it's what Herbert Armstrong did repeatedly in the pages of The Plain Truth.

The earlier post read:

For now is the time to be loyal to God and not man’s religion. Now is the time to go back to biblical doctrine and not the doctrine of men.

This is always true. But this does not mean this particular scenario will come true in 2007.

I pray that you can now begin to see why God broke up the Church of God.

Certainly, I give God the credit -- but I'd guess His reasons are not Mr. Ezekiel 34's.

Anonymous said...

To Mr. Becker,

Perhaps if I was to head a cult, I would use "Janes" to predict the future>
A successful prophet must have a reliable source. Janes is it! Wild Bill over at the Faithless Flock should link to it. He is a herbalparrot!
Mr. Scribe.

charlie kieran said...

Well apparently, God has whispered in Pat Robertson's ear again. Pat is now saying that God told him there will be a massive (not nuclear) terrorist attack in 2007 killing thousands.

We'll see if it happens, but that would hardly have to come from God. The muslim bastards have had it in for us for years and years.

Didn't herbie say that the Germans were supposed to do this to the US?

Douglas Becker said...

Ezekiel 34:2 Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel, prophesy, and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD unto the shepherds; Woe be to the shepherds of Israel that do feed themselves! should not the shepherds feed the flocks?
Eze 34:3 Ye eat the fat, and ye clothe you with the wool, ye kill them that are fed: but ye feed not the flock.
Eze 34:4 The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.
Eze 34:5 And they were scattered, because there is no shepherd: and they became meat to all the beasts of the field, when they were scattered.
Eze 34:6 My sheep wandered through all the mountains, and upon every high hill: yea, my flock was scattered upon all the face of the earth, and none did search or seek after them.
Eze 34:7 Therefore, ye shepherds, hear the word of the LORD;
Eze 34:8 As I live, saith the Lord GOD, surely because my flock became a prey, and my flock became meat to every beast of the field, because there was no shepherd, neither did my shepherds search for my flock, but the shepherds fed themselves, and fed not my flock;
Eze 34:9 Therefore, O ye shepherds, hear the word of the LORD;
Eze 34:10 Thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I am against the shepherds;

And so on and so forth.

No mention of Babylon.

No mentions of Catholics.

Lots of references to "shepherds" in reference to "my people", so one might conclude that Ezekiel 34 is all about hirelings who fleece the people who follow after religious leaders.

Anything else, well, someone would have to point it out....

Anonymous said...

Another HWA pal has died, Teddy Kollek the mayor of Jeusalem.