Sunday, 20 April 2008

Witless in Jerusalem

Ronnie Weinland is going down with all guns blazing. There's an amazing entry on the Weinland Watch blog: "It has begun." Highlights...

* Laura, a.k.a. Witness Two, "is to “witness” (i.e., watch) Weinland “witness” (i.e., prophesy). Yes you read that correctly."

Wow, do ya think Laura can handle all that responsibility?

* "the sound of the first trumpet was only heard by truly converted members of god’s church..."

How convenient.

* "Weinland’s first act as one of the two witnesses of the book of Revelation and the spokesman for both is to call forth cancer on all of those who mock him."


* "This sermon makes it more than clear that he will not step down, as he promised “by Pentecost or July”, as the proof in the pudding is supposed to be the second trumpet, which is supposed to sound (with death, destruction, drought and diseases) in 45-90 days ...”

There's still gold in them there gullible co-workers.

The whole sorry sermon can be heard online, for those with a masochistic tendencies.

My reaction: this guy is one sick bit of...

Oh wait! News just in from an alternate earth in a parallel dimension. The tribulation has begun! Remarkable pictures here... or rather, there. Posted above is one that shows the alternate Bob Thiel being struck down by the Witnesses' Wrath! Thing is, the First Witness there isn't Ronnie... it's hard to make out, but it sounds like... Doctor Hoeh??


Tired Skeptic said...

Only the true converted faithful heard the First Trumpet?

Revelation 8:7 The first angel sounded, and there followed hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth: and the third part of trees was burnt up, and all green grass was burnt up.

It's clear that maybe no one actually heard the first trumpet when it sounded, but hail and fire mingled with blood and 1/3rd of the trees burnt up and all the grass is not going to be missed and it cannot be spiritualized away by saying only the faithful can see the burnt grass, unless they were smoking it.

This is another "Tom Con" -- things which aren't there, have never will be, but because they aren't, it's a sure sign they will be.

The only thing this proves is that psychopaths are convincing. Pawns, patsies and patrons and all that.

As for the Dr. Who montage, it's science fiction fantasy entertainment -- nothing more.... On second hand, maybe it does have relevance with Uncle Ron's Con after all.

Anonymous said...

OK, Gavin, I can certainly see why you don't trust those WCG splinter goofs. I knew some things were not right in the WCG in the past, or its major splinter groups in the present, but it is truly incredible how many greedy, dishonest, and immoral people came out of it all. I suppose YOU will need to keep on witnessing to the world about these frauds. (Don't let it go to your head, though.) If it is too much to do alone, get a second witness.

Anonymous said...

Seals are being ripped opened? Trumpets are blasting? Woes are a coming? Yet nothing is seen or heard to be happening! The Mystery of Fraud!

And now Ron is talking about giving cancer to those who mock him? Well, Ron IS the cancer.

Anonymous said...

Ronnie's Signs O' The Tribulation are similar to modern Christianity's Gifts O' The Spirit. Since they aren't really happening as listed in the Bible, we can just make "pretend" versions, like children substituting a cardbopard box for a space ship, or sticks for machine guns; here we have nonsensical utterances standing in for the Gifts of Tongues and the absence of pains for the Gift of Healing. And here comes Ronnie- a Trumpet than only "true members" can hear and instead of calling fire down upon his enemies- cancer! Of course, it's highly probable that most of his detractors have ~some~ form of cancer or other already.

He's brilliant! I love this guy!

The Apostate Paul

Weinland Watch said...

0:17:05 RW Sermon April 19 “It Has Begun”

"My first exercise in use of power is to you mockers. It begins with you. You will be the first to experience [it]. You don’t have to wait long. For those who mock from this day forward, by what you say against god’s people, for what you say against god’s truths, you will suffer from sickness that will eat you from the inside out and you will die. Your death will not be quick."

Charming. I waffled up until now on whether or not Weinland was in it for the money. Listening to the sermon though, it's clear that Weinland actually believes what he's saying.

Things have gone from let's-poke-the-get-rich-quick-minister-with-a-big-Internet-stick to That's not funny at all the poor old guy is actually kind of sad. :-(

Weinland Watch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Herbert would be proud of Ronnie, He couldn't have done it better.

Anonymous said...

Merdith, Pack, Flurry, Kilough,Rittenbaugh,even old Billy Dankenbring are history prophet Ronnie has spoken. No more Mr. Nice Guy, its started, scoffers including Galvin better start writing your obituary you're the walking dead.

Byker Bob said...

I really hunger, thirst for, and crave the return of Jesus Christ, because of what it means for all of my fellow humans who are starving, dying of horrible diseases, impoverished because of their ignorance, killing one another over trivial matters, and besmirching the beautiful planet on which we live.

I don't understand the mentality of looking forward to more grief and destruction, as exhibited by the ACOGs. How could Christian people who allegedly care about others be rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of additional human suffering? How could anyone aspire to be the grand poobah who is suddenly exalted because of foretelling such calamity? How could one be proud of the army of tithe slaves one builds on all of this grief?

The ACOG mentality continually boggles the mind! These demagogues have no concept of "lamb power", to say nothing of a kingdom heart.


VonHowitzer said...

Following up from the previous thread's sidebar on massage therapy...

I see a massage therapist several times in the course of a year. This is in part due to an accident that I was involved in about 12 years ago - got slammed from behind hard enough to get a glass shower and have the driver's seat bent.

Part of the recovery was getting massage therapy in the injured area, usually in about 15 minute segments 3 times a week. As the damage healed, the MT added pressure to let the "trigger points" release. It was painfull, but it did work.

When I see an MT now, I tell them right off that I do not want a back rub - I expect some pressure on those areas and I know it will hurt. I've been told that I take more pain than the average man, but still less than the average woman.

Just recently I went for a follow up after only a week, and the difference between the two visits was remarkable. A lot less tension, and consequently a lot less discomfort from the treatment.

Luss, if you've never had a massage professionally delivered, I suggest that you try it some time. If it's done right you should feel like someone needs to pour you into a bucket and carry you home. Get an hour long session, and get those deep tissues relaxed. Ask DD about "rolfing"!

I usually wear gym type shorts - I'm more comfortable with that, and I think the MT's are too. I visit MT's that work out of the fitness club I belong to, as I'm looking for a massage, not a sex act. (You should see the yellow pages in Las Vegas for "entertainers" - must be almost an inch thick).

Most of the time I'm face down, so I'm not sure what the MT hears from our discussions, but in general they are not different than those I have with the person that cuts my hair.


tallone said...

Love the Dr. Who video. It is far more enjoyable and credible than any Feast film ever was! And it is by far more worthwhile watching that the Weinerman.

mel said...

Oi vey, I listened to the sermon.

He does lack charisma and speaking skills, but in trying to grab a market share of those already brainwashed into armstrongism, yet disaffected by the splinterings, I suppose he's got a hook that will play to their particular brand of weakness.
The sad thing is that those drawn to his message will believe it's because of some "spiritual strength" they have, rather than weakness.

A couple of observations about the sermon:

He's already taking credit for what he sees his magical powers are doing and implies that the earthquake(s?) in the USA are due to him asking God for them:
About 2hrs 10mins into it he refers to the earthquakes and says, "I'll continue to ask God for more."


after saying that "There are more ways to destroy that which is green.",
he says at about 2hrs 11mins into it that "I have asked for these things to be done."

As if he's "got the power", lol!

Anonymous said...

"I really hunger, thirst for, and crave the return of Jesus Christ, because of what it means for all of my fellow humans who are starving, dying of horrible diseases, impoverished because of their ignorance, killing one another over trivial matters, and besmirching the beautiful planet on which we live."

While you and millions wait on Jebus or Allah or Whoever to come back and magically solve mankind's problems- of which religion contributes no small part to some of those problems- many people have been, and are, devoting their lives to solving those problems in the here and now.

I find it offensive that religionists moan and wail over the great human tragedies, yet whose only answer or cure is to sit on their arses and wait for an imaginary being to solve it all- and many of these people will laugh at the idea of humans trying to do anything about it.

The Apostate Paul

Weinland Watch said...

If any of Weinland's followers try to point to it as "proof" of his powers as one of the two witnesses in the book of Revelation and the spokesman for both, just point them to this:

The Earthquake Was Not a Thunder.

Byker Bob said...

Apostate Paul:

Who said the two courses of action are mutually exclusive? When you have a resolving event forthcoming, but don't know when that event will actually happen, it only makes sense that you would make do with what you have, and try in the mean time to do everything possible to improve those things which can be improved.

I agree with you. Only a religious fool is going to give up and sit on his butt. Fortunately, not all believers are fools, though some might wish to stereotype them in that manner!


you'd be surprised said...

"I find it offensive that religionists moan and wail over the great human tragedies, yet who only answer or cure is to sit on their arses and wait for an imaginary being to solve it all- and many of these people will laugh at the idea of humans trying to do anything about it."

Come on there Richard Cranium, we aren't sitting on our asses. Aside from working hard and being good parents and citizens, what the hell is the average man suppose to do about the unsermountable evils in the world?

When we aren't busy trying to be good parents, husbands, wives and citizens, most of us religious types are doing some community service, feeding the bums that walk down your street, talking the 14 year old out of aborting her baby, encouraging drug and alcohol addicts to stop abusing themselves, giving them the one thing that shitheads like you never do - hope. Hope that one day it will be better, even if it isn't.

We are doing our part to rehabilitate murders, rapist, thieves, etc. But we lack the resources and know-how to do to much about butcherous dictators, stopping world hunger, global warming/cooling, oil shortages, organized crime, global drug trafficking, etc. etc. ad nauseum!

So... WE PRAY ABOUT IT! It's tools like you that need to get off your asses and show us how you'd accomplish what no one has been able to do for thousands of years.

I suppose you'd use the godless former Soviet Union as a model example of solutions? After all, God was outlawed.

Put up or shut up yourself!

Anonymous said...

"...what the hell is the average man suppose to do about the unsermountable evils in the world?"

As long as people like you think that starvation and disease are "unsermountable" evils, then I suppose the only thing you people can do is PRAY- which is not doing anything while thinking you are helping. Every mind that thinks that these problems are beyond man's capacity to solve, or better yet, unsolvable without divine intervention from Zues or Allah, is one less mind that has the potential to solve these problems here and now.

"But we lack the resources and know-how to do to much about..."

And??? Has that stopped others? No, it hasn't. What is stopping you is your belief in Zues or Allah or Jebus and how they are going to "come back and fix everything." That is the primary reason you think you can't help or won't help. Your religion.

"Put up or shut up yourself!"

I study oxidative stress in humans and how it is involved in disease states such as cancer. So I do contribute, you may be surprised to learn!

The Apostate Paul

doctor phill said...

Insanity is such a devastating disease.


"I identify the Pope and the Catholic Church reasponsible for my death." (and my wife).

Typical of Paranoid Schizophrenia; Delusional Martyr Complex.

This is one sick cookie.

Anonymous said...

When Barack Hussein Obama becomes president and institutes Muslim law all crackpot infidels like Ronnie will be lets be nice and say expunged and so will all other non-belivers in due time, its Muslim law. Lets have Oprah for vice president and Rev Wright for secretary of state a winning trio for GODDAMM AMERICA.

Joyce Brothers said...

I believe his mind has Snapped. Unfortunate.

Nutter than a fruit cake said...

Just got through listening to Ronnies 2 and a half hour marathon.

Very reminiscent of Dave Packs mind numbing extravaganzas.

I can't wait to hear the rantings of the misses. I'll be she has some interesting nonsense to spue.

Anonymous said...


"Benedict Praises American Church in Final U.S. Mass"

Pope Benedict has celebrated the final Mass of his U.S. visit before a full house in New York's Yankee Stadium.

No mention of an nut case name Ron Weinland.

When asked, what do you make of a nut case named Ron Weinland known as the first witness?

Response: who the hell is he, and what is the first witness?

Anonymous said...

Ronnie, the Deathmeister, is seriously ill. It will be interesting to watch him implode and yet sad to see another human being consumed by the mindnumbing foolishness in the Book of Revelation.

I have no idea if Mrs Ron will actually speak but it sure will be interesting to hear a COG woman acting and threatening others like a COG Minister.

Actually I believe we will find she is more of a prop for his own rantings and it will all get really silly and sad.

Ekimks (Mike) said...

If I understand correctly from the False Prophet's sermon yesterday, Laura will pass along her prophesies to him, because he is after all the Spokesman for Both Witnesses.

We'll never have to listen to the Second Witness.

The Spinning Top said...

"and it will all get really silly and sad."

My friend, we have already gotten to this point.

After listening to Ron's bablings I noticed that he makes generalizations and excuses. For instance, the Bible states the 2 Witnesses will be clothed with sackcloth. The "Witness" Ron says this is not literal. It just pictures humility.

It is my belief , as time goes by and more and more of Ron's ramblings fail, he will increase with the generalizations. ie. It really doesn't mean this or that, or it doesn't mean that literally. In politics we call that "Spin".

I expect Ronnie to start spinning like a top.

Anonymous said...

Dave Pack is smart. He understands that, as Apostle, he is 'over' the Witnesses and is responsible to train them. Boy, I feel for whoever gets stuck in that fantasy of Dave.

Anyway, when the Witnesses screw up, Dave will be able to wash his hands of his trainees and say, "I have never quite met two doofusses like these two before. They never listened to me and rejected my training which is why you're right to mock them." Off the hook!

"Send it in again brethren!"

Weinland Watch said...

If I understand correctly from Saturday's sermon, the missus' job is to witness (as in "watch") Weinland as he witnesses (prophesies).

So why then, as stated in the 1st DoUB sermon 4-20-08 did Weinland make a point of saying he was giving the sermon alone, in a small hotel room, so he could concentrate? Wasn't the little woman supposed to be there to "witness" according to the sermon the day before?

It appears to be growing more unfortunate, for all concerned (including Weinland himself) day to day, in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

@...I find it offensive that religionists moan and wail over the great human tragedies, yet whose only answer or cure is to sit on their arses and wait for an imaginary being to solve it all- and many of these people will laugh at the idea of humans trying to do anything about it....@

As per another comment - Christians do what they can to alleviate suffering. However, 6000 (or six million etc) years of humanity leaves the human heart as primitive as ever. The Gospel message alone addresses that.

In the UK there are reportedly 2000+ terrorists lurking. Not one is 'Christian'.

Tired Skeptic said...

There are more ways to destroy that which is green

I use chlorine bleach -- that seems to work on green mold.

Try it.

Tired Skeptic said...

Third day of Great Tribulation

Well, we did lose both our phone service [voice over IP] and our Internet connection on the first day of the Great Tribulation. We went to the church potluck, however, and had a fine time. The sun came out. It was still cold from it snowing in the morning.

2nd day: Still no phone service or Internet. No fire from heaven though, unless the snow put it out.

3rd day: Buses still running and used them to get to work. A significant day: Our boss shelved a project giving me trouble and I don't have to do it any more. Also, loaded down the serverpac again. Internet service and phone back in operation.

Thus far, the Great Tribulation seems like a big bust and nothing out of the ordinary from all the other bad days we have. Cat is still alive and still looking to his 19th birthday on the 25th. He's also fine and seems to be enjoying the Great Tribulation.

Will post more as the Great Tribulation progresses the rest of the week, but so far, most of the bad stuff happened before the GT started and has been taken care of now.