Monday, 10 November 2008

Weinland's End Time Dance

The Two Witnesses continue to fox-trot through the prophetic daisies, seemingly oblivious to the failure of previous prognostications.

The Two Witnesses are, of course, Ron and Laura Weinland.

The Gruesome Twosome had their dates all worked out twelve months ago. The 1335 days began on February 2nd, when the 144,000 were sealed. On March 18 the Seventh Seal was opened, and the 1290 days kicked in. Then on April 17 we reached the 1260 days, the First Trumpet sounded and the Great Tribulation began - the three and a half year countdown till the return of Jesus Christ.

Now Ron is whistling a different tune, and it ain't Dixie.

Ron has moved the dates up. The 1335 days began on September 30, the Seventh Seal will be opened on November 14 (not long to wait for that one), and the Trib is scheduled for December 14. For more detail see Weinland Watch.

How does Ron explain the volte-face?

Since things did not happen in the original time frame that was given because God had not given this 50th Truth, those who were responding solely out of fear and desire for self-preservation are no longer seeking God’s help. Those who are skeptics, critics and mockers have only grown bolder in their deceived and misguided confidence…

Deceived and misguided confidence? That's rich coming from the guy who said he'd stand by his inane ravings, and walk away from his ministry if proved wrong. Version II? Is there anyone actually stupid enough to swallow this stuff?

There once was a prophet named Ron,
Who sought to inspire a great throng.

"Just give me your tithes,

It'll save all your lives,
Or you'll die when the Trib comes along."
What will Ron and Laura do when November 14 arrives, and a month later the Tribulation turns into another no-show? Third time lucky?

Meantime why not compose your own limerick in tribute to Ron's tenacity (no objectionable vocabulary please.)


Anonymous said...

This guy's obviously banking on the economy getting even worse. What a horrible person.

Russell Miller said...

No objectionable vocabulary? You disappoint me. I guess I'll have to make do.

There once was a ****** named Ron
who ***** his ******* *******
He ******* ******* his *******
and ******* ******* his *******
and realized his ******* was ******

Byker Bob said...

How unimaginative! So, once again, we are presented with endless postponements! They never admit that anything was wrong with the prophecy, just the timing.

Once an Armstrongist, always an Armstrongist. That's why we call it HWAcaca!


Mel said...

A stinker, with prop on his head
Declared that you'd soon be dead
If not paying money
To him and his honey
And swallowing the crap that he fed.


Weinland, a stinker supreme
Got busy, injecting his memes
In the last year or two,
S'ringes loaded with poo
While fulfilling his mon'tary dreams.


He saw herbie's scam and just loved it
Got some minions and down their throats shoved it
When dates moved to December
Then, many a member
Got a clue and told him to "SHOVE IT!"

Mel said...

OMG! That Wienerdude's dickly
The real world just moves all too quickly
For his dates to matter.
His members will scatter
To avoid getting even more sickly.


Where has his membership gone?
Tribulation has not yet hit dawn.
They've gone here and there
Since becoming aware
There's something that stinks- it's called, "Ron"!

Purple Hymnal said...

"Version II? Is there anyone actually stupid enough to swallow this stuff?"

Only those who don't know there was a version 1 in the first place.

That's all we have to do, to discredit the Two Witlesses at this point: He's been down this road before and been proven wrong.

camfinch said...

The Trib, a new date to begin it,
New tithe, old Ronnie will win it;
For history shows,
As Ronnie well knows,
A sucker is born ev'ry minute.

Weinland Watch said...

There once was a False Prophet named Ron,

Who knew his predictions were false all along.

But Ron fooled them all, with his WCG creds;

(Fooled them all, except for the Feds.)

Now that it's November, we must all remember:

By March, April and June of '08,

The tithe slaves thought the destruction would be great!

But now his first set of predictions are just laughably late!

Libro 66 said...

Weinland the Witness Supreme
Is following Herbert's old meme:
    His predictions all miss
    For the whole 'pocalypse
While his missus allows him to dream.

But the missus may not be the foo' --
(Loma was not, to be true).
    If he turns to the sherry
    And samples the cherries,
She'll start wearing bras to bed too.

Neotherm said...

What will happen to Ron and Laura and their followers? It will be business as usual. We take these prophetic utterances as a litmus test of credibility. But they just see this as a little excitement. When prophets prove to be false, none of the followers, by far and large, change their viewpoint.

Check out the recently published:
"Prophet's Daughter: My Life with Elizabeth Clare Prophet Inside the Church Universal and Triumphant".

Or refer to Yisrael Hawkins, former Armstrongite, that started his own church, now an extreme cult, located in Abilene. He has about 3,500 followers. He predicted the end of the age for June of 2007. But he has an advantage. He publishes his owner translation of the Bible and can alter its text at will to support what he says. Remember he Ministry of Truth from 1984?

-- Neo

Gluteus Capitus Maximus said...

You critics and scoffers are emptying my coffers
And for that some day you shall pay
I'll Witness forth from me
Fire, hail and windstorm upon thee
Unitl I can get clean away.

You gave me a beany
All spiffy and gleamy
I'll use it to fly to my place
You all think you're funny
You think I'm a dummy
I'll use it to cover my face

For down in my heart,
Someday to depart
I know I'm half crazy in my self
This Bible confused me,
I think something has used me
I may put it up on the shelf

But 'til that day
Truly, truly I say
I'm doing the best that I can
My mind oft me fails, and goes off the rails
Hey! call me "The Great I am."

For Dave's got his titles
And Gerald his idols
And Rod, well it's still three to five.
But I"m still the Witness,
And don't you forget this
Or I sware, I'll burn you alive.

Warm regards in Christian Love, mercy and compassion in Him...


Anonymous said...

Ron thought he was a true prophet
Making predictions to profit
His sheeple were dumb
To logic were numb
Didn't realize he is a false prophet

Ron said that he would stop preaching
When things didn't pan out from his teaching
But his mouth is still going
Deceitfulness showing
“Give money” is what he's beseaching.

larry said...

You folks are hilarious!

Gluteus Capitus Maximus said...

I don't hear no thunders
Methinks thou has blunders
Galore in thine Church and thine head
No Vials, no Trumpets, no Plagues time to dump it
Before your face turns all red

For that Book you do cherish
To us seems most gharish
Is not what you think it to be
It's time is well past, you won't be the last
To mistake it for new prophecy

Oi what life..and what of your wife?
Who never speaks silly as thee
Has she given permission
For this intermission
Of thunders that just won't 'er be?

Are you both not to be
In Israel, not Cinci..
Smitting man, woman child galore?
Are you still in Ohio
Oh me oh myo
Get your butts right now out that door.

For all of these years
We have heard in our ears
The great work of the Witnessess God sends
This can't be you guys
So far... just pure lies
Perhaps it is time to just end?

We don't need no smiters, or fighters or biters
This world has enough now of that.
Don't be such a meany
Go twirl your new beany
Since you're bald, enjoy your new hat!

larry said...

I am not a poet or a pseudopoet, so I will borrow a line from Lewis Carroll:

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Some of you will immediately recognize this from the Jabberwocky in Alice in Wonderland. But, it was also used in a short story called “Mimsy were the Borogoves”, a highly entertaining story, which I recommend to all. It was recently made into a movie called “The Last Mimsy”. Why do I bring this up on this board at this time? Because, the above-mentioned story illustrates an important point, which comes up here occasionally.

In the story, the children are able to use exotic toys sent from the future, and abstract thinking to clearly see what the adults around them could not, and in the process created a time machine. Fantasy, of course. But, the purpose was to show that those limited to concrete thinking were never able to see the “unseeable”. But, the children were not limited by cynicism and the five senses. I realize this is an excruciatingly long introduction, but it is purposely aimed at those on this board who constantly allude to “imaginary beings”, talking donkeys, and persuasive snakes. Sure, these things defy logic. But, they are meant to. It is hard to avoid concrete thinking, impossible for some, but necessary in order to see God and His Purpose and handiwork.

Luke 10:21
At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

Mark 10:15
I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

I don’t know if any of this helps, but cynicism can be painful. And there is a lot of pain here. Most of you would say it is justified. I recommend you try to look past it. You might be amazed at what you will see.

Dennis said...

"but it is purposely aimed at those on this board who constantly allude to “imaginary beings”, talking donkeys, and persuasive snakes. Sure, these things defy logic."

It is not that they defy logic, which of course they do anyway, but they were never meant to be taken literally and there's the fundamentalist rub. Westerners have simply swallowed the idea that scriptures now mean what they were never meant to mean and the Church has had it hand in editing and redacting the OT for such purposes as well.

One can never grow up with their Bible until they understand that the Adam and Eve mythologies are Jewish reversals of earlier Mesopotamian creation stories where the Gods made man simply to work in the garden for the gods and serve them .

These Mesopotamian creation stories are also the basis for later Hebrew stories for the Sabbath creating God. In the original mythologies, man was driven from the garden of Edin (not Eden) for complaining too much about the work and no rest such that the god's themselves could not rest. Once they had driven man out, the god's found Sabbath rest. The reversal, for instance, in the Hebrew tale of Adam and Eve is that the rest was God giving man the Sabbath rest where originally the gods were tired of man's noise and wanted the rest for themselves.

Good stuff, but hard for most to want to admit is so.

I know it's hard to take and not part of our theological and historical background or education, but it's true. The Adam and Eve story, serpent (not yet Satan) and all, are mythologies written to make a point about gods and humans. The OT tales are reversals of very old stories and were written to change the Mesopotamian view of that relationship. They were never meant to take literally and did not actually happen in space and time.

Dennis said...

For example:

Joseph Campbell. The Masks of God: Occidental Mythology. New York. Arkana. Viking Penguin. 1964, reprinted 1991)

Campbell also very astutely and penetratingly noted that the Hebrews in the book of Genesis appear to have employed at times "inversions" or "reversals" which "turn about" Mesopotamian beliefs by 180 degrees (emphasis mine):

"No one familiar with the mythologies of the primitive, ancient, and Oriental worlds can turn to the Bible without recognizing COUNTERPARTS on every page, TRANSFORMED, however, TO RENDER AN ARGUMENT CONTRARY TO THE OLDER FAITHS. (p. 9. "The Serpent's Bride." Joseph Campbell. The Masks of God: Occidental Mythology)

"The ultimate source of the biblical Eden, therefore, CANNOT have been A MYTHOLOGY OF THE DESERT -that is to say, a primitive Hebrew myth- but was the old PLANTING MYTHOLOGY of the peoples of the soil. HOWEVER, IN THE BIBLICAL RETELLING, ITS WHOLE ARGUMENT HAS BEEN TURNED, SO TO SAY, ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY DEGREES...One milllennium later, the patriarchal DESERT NOMADS arrived, and all judgements WERE REVERSED in heaven, as on earth." (pp.103, 105-106. "Gods and Heroes of the Levant." Joseph Campbell. The Masks of God: Occidental Mythology.

What a shame that millions of Jews, Christians and Moslems are unaware that Adam and Eve are fictional recasts of Enkidu and Shamhat, and what a shame that man and womankind have needlessly beaten themselves up pyschologically over the past 6000 years agonizing over a needless guilt-burden because of the sin and "fall" of these two fictional characters. What a shame that for over a thousand years these three faiths have tyrannized man and womankind and slaughtered each others' adherents for "God and Country."

Dennis said...

I don't remember who did the original beanie pic of Ron Weinland, but if I look at it longer than a few seconds I crack up...that's a very funny picture and speaks volumes on how silly formality and taking oneself way to seriously can become.

Anonymous said...

Come forth, observe and behold,
As the Witlesses visions unfold.
Their prophecies crash,
But send them tithe cash,
Or even nuggets of gold.

The world is now in recession
And Ron wants funds in possession.
So write out that check,
And post it like heck,
Then cancel in quick succession.

To the Temple Mount should he go
In rain or sleet or snow,
Preaching in season,
He needs no reason,
This thing you surely should know.

The words of the Lord are strange
From seers whose thoughts derange.
In Gucci sackcloth they pose,
Most suitable seer clothes
And need all your loose change.

The Lord in ways is mysterious
Through seers mad and delirious.
Their message is bent,
And themselves are not sent
And demand for tithes imperious.

To their message be not a slave,
For your spirit they cannot save.
They have safety no place
Though lying of face
In the name of the Lord they rave.

Their end is surely in sight,
Far better viewed by night.
They need to repant
And rescind all the rant
And work for a living right.


Corky said...

Why should men listen to other men about gods and such like? Does one man truly know any more about the unknown than anyone else?

According to the book they all preach from, none of them are authorized to preach anything to anyone anyway.

Only men who have been "ordained" by God himself may carry a message from God. The last ones, according to the book, were the apostles of the first century. There is no "apostolic succession" in the book - none.

According to the book, Jesus said that all that ever came before him were thieves and robbers and I dare say, all who have came after him have also been thieves and robbers.

That's the little joke written into the gospel story that no one seems to see, Jesus on the cross between two thieves, symbols of the ones before him and the ones afterward.

The thief before him mocked him, the thief after him dreams of paradise - now ain't that just the way it is?

Mr. Scribe said...

Well I am not big on poems and bubble headed Ron, there is another
pinhead raciest among the cog loser leaders that goes beyond BI.

Will Bill otherwise known as Don Billingsley has this to say concerning Obama.

choice of Senator Obama to become the new president by the American
people (the tribe of Manasseh of Israel) was contrary to what the LORD
had commanded of those who were to be established as kings (or leaders)
over the House of Israel:

“You shall surely set a king over you
whom the LORD your God chooses; one from among your brethren, you shall
set as a king over you; you may NOT SET A FOREIGNER over you, who is
NOT your brother (of the Israelites race)” (Deuteronomy 17:15)."

Let us give Bill a hand for his blatant raciest views that uses what else, the bible, to justify his view!

Here is the white devil's website  that expounds his vociferous raciest hatred

PG10 said...

Weinerdude's beanie has some competition. Jack in the Box new antenna ball wears a beanie too. The Jack ball makes much more sense that Weinerdude does. Jack does far better things for humanity that Weinerdude ever will. Help the boys and girls buy a Jack. Help humanity, mock Weinerdude and expose this Weinerturd for the fool he is.!

mp said...

Mr. Weinland, the profit, must fulfull the prophecies of Zechariah 13:3-4.

Religion is the home of con artists. Some criminals rob banks, others have found easier ways to rob money.

Mel said...

Dennis wrote:
"I don't remember who did the original beanie pic of Ron Weinland, but if I look at it longer than a few seconds I crack up."

That witness lying dead in the street
While the vultures fly down to peck meat.
They rip off that beanie
He laid over his weenie
And voraciously devour a treat

Mel said...

"House of Weinland"- that surely does blow
And by now he should eat ser'rios crow
But his minions still lick it
'Cause he's made all their brains to work slow

Anonymous said...

"It is hard to avoid concrete thinking, impossible for some, but necessary in order to see God and His Purpose and handiwork."

I couldn't have said it better myself. In order to "see" God one must reject rational, critical thinking.

Paul Ray

Purple Hymnal said...

Larry, Larry, Larry,

Has your bi-polar medication not kicked in yet? In one comment you tell us we're hilarious, and in the second comment, you tell us we're "in pain".

Not since I left the church, Larry, no pain here.

Anonymous said...

I'm still eager to know which of the "biological sciences" that Larry has a PhD in.

Paul Ray

Anonymous said...

Speaking of which, Larry, are you published in any journals of the biological sciences?

Paul Ray

larry said...

Paul Ray, I enjoy my relative anonymity on this board. I do, however, use my real name and everything I have said about myself is true.

I did not mean to suggest that concrete thinking is a good thing. The major advances of mankind have been achieved by folks who could think outside the box. And they were often ridiculed for doing so.

Oh, and Purple Hymnal really loves me, she just won't admit it.

Leonardo said...

And remember, Larry, since you claim to have a PhD from a prestigious university in one of the biological sciences, you've still not answered my question I put to you in a previous blog: could you simply explain to us all what the Krebs Cycle is?

Purple Hymnal said...

"Oh, and Purple Hymnal really loves me, she just won't admit it."

Now that's hilarious.

Purple Hymnal said...

LOL it just hit me: Maybe Larry's published in a Christian Science journal!!!

Leonardo said...

Larry, you can still remain anonymous on this blog site, yet answer our questions at the same time.

I may be mistaken, but I've had serious discussions with MANY PhD's in my life, and your comments here just don't bespeak of someone with a great deal of education or reasoning power.

My sincere apologies if my impression is incorrect, and you truly HAVE earned a PhD in one of the biological sciences from a prestigious university – but in all frankness, the shallowness of many of your comments just ring kind of hollow to me.

And what is the Krebs Cycle again?

Libro 66 said...

Aw, come on, Leonardo -- what kind of test question is that? I'm not a biologist or even a chemist, and even I know what the Krebs cycle is!

The Krebs cycle is the second phase of the three-phase system of cellular respiration, the process by which the energy of a glucose molecule is extracted and used to energize the phosphate groups of the energy carrier adenosine triphosphate (ATP).

(By "energize" I mean that the ADP ("diphosphate") molecule is given an additional phosphate group ("triphosphate"), which stores energy in the molecule. When needed, ATP gives up that extra phosphate, releasing the energy.)

The first phase, glycolosis, breaks up the glucose molecule into two smaller pieces. In the process, it frees up enough energy to energize four ATP molecules (if memory serves), along with a few other transitional energy carriers, notably NAD.

The energized NAD(H) carriers go into the Krebs cycle, which as I recall is a 9- or 10-step process. This results in more ATP molecules being energized, and the de-energized NAD molecules can return to the glycolosis phase to be reused.

Interestingly, simpler organisms such as yeast don't have a Krebs cycle, so they have to recycle their NAD some other way. Yeast does it by wasting NAD(H)'s energy on the glycolosis by-products to create alcohol.

The third phase of cellular respiration, whose name I don't immediately recall, takes place in the folds of the mitochondrial membranes. Some of the other transitional energy carriers donate positively charged hydrogen ions to a pocket in the membrane, which creates an electrical gradient across the membrane -- the protons want to fall back to the other side, and that means energy. As a protein gate allows the ions to dribble through the membrane, it energizes a few more ATP molecules.

All told, cellular respiration is something like 20% efficient -- the other 80% of the energy released from a glucose molecule is wasted as heat and chemical by-products.

Don't worry, I didn't cheat by sneaking a look at Wikipedia. In fact, since this is from memory, some of the details are almost certainly wrong.

So, now that I've described the Krebs cycle, along with the context that it fits into, does that qualify me to discuss biological matters with you, even without a degree in the field? Would it be enough to qualify Larry?


(I'm not really interested in getting into a debate regarding apologetics and intelligent design -- just asking whether my answer qualifies me. A cool piece of design work, that cellular respiration. I know I could never have come up with it...)

Anonymous said...

"The major advances of mankind have been achieved by folks who could think outside the box. And they were often ridiculed for doing so."

Thinking "outside the box" doesn't mean accepting imaginary beings as a plausible factor in your hypothesis. Don't try to equivocate delusional fancy with imaginative critical thinking.

And I would bet that not one of those major advances came by way of "maybe God did it!"

P.S. I don't recall taking you to task over your identity- I don't care. I just am interested in your degree and whether you published work, that's all.

Paul Ray

Anonymous said...

"So, now that I've described the Krebs cycle, along with the context that it fits into, does that qualify me to discuss biological matters with you, even without a degree in the field? Would it be enough to qualify Larry?"

Libro, you've got quite the memory. I can't even describe the steps involved with the electron transport chain without aid, even though I should be able to. I don't know about Leo, but I am not challenging Larry's credentials and knowledge as a litmus test to whether I will deign to engage in some sort of debate with him- it was he who slung his intellecutal phallus on the table first, with his "I am probably the most well educated here so ha-ha." Yet for the most educated person here, his view on evolution is classic case low level Kreationist-website bluster.

Paul Ray

larry said...

Libro, I am impressed.

And as for you, Leonardo, if I want to be insulted, I don't have to come here. I have a wife and kids for that.

Purple Hymnal said...

"I have a wife and kids for that."

That's not very Christian of you Larry. Remember, you're supposed to be "the head over the household". You're not supposed to just take insults from the wife and kids! What kind of WCG member are you really??

Anonymous said...

I am beginning to think that Larry doesn't have a degree in the biological sciences at all.

Paul Ray

Leonardo said...

Larry, how have my simple inquiries been interpreted by you as insulting?

Honestly, that wasn't my intention at all - I just was being up front with you that your reasoning and written expressions on this blogsite seem considerably BELOW that of someone of your supposed intellectual pedigree.

And I noticed you still didn't answer my question about the Krebs Cycle - which Libro 66 did.

This is a useful habit of mine that I have found very helpful in discussion with folks, especially when they make verbal claims that seem far in excess of their actual reasoning ability: just ask a simple question about a simple area in their proclaimed field of expertise, and see how they respond. When they indeed actually have the background they claim, they answer the inquiry in a very straightforward and non-defensive manner. But I’d say nine times out of ten, when they attempt to evade doing so and get all defensive and act insulted, they are phonies.

Have you ever wondered what the 12-year-old boy Jesus was asking the religious gurus of his time when he stayed behind in Jerusalem after his folds had left? Perhaps he was using this same method.

Anonymous said...

I'd hope that when Weinland is booted on 1-1-09 (due to irrefutable false prophecy and deception) that Wayne Matthews take over. I don't think he will offer anything more than Weinland, but he certainly sounds better in his sermons. Compared to him, Weinland is an amateur. Matthews is a much better witness than Weinland, hands down.

larry said...

One with a sense of humor, perhaps?

You may not know what this is. But, it can be an asset when reading some of these posts.

Anonymous said...

I think Larry was last published in the "Worldwide Church of God Journal of Molecular Scientism."

Here is a sampling of his contributions:

"Lack of Scientific Evidence Supports Theory of Jehovic-Creationism"


"Evolution, Smevolution"

Paul Ray

Leonardo said...

Nice evasion, Larry, but I think most of us have you figured out.

larry said...

Apparently not.

Mike (EkimKS) said...

Anonymous 8:42 said:
I'd hope that when Weinland is booted on 1-1-09 (due to irrefutable false prophecy and deception) that Wayne Matthews take over. I don't think he will offer anything more than Weinland, but he certainly sounds better in his sermons. Compared to him, Weinland is an amateur. Matthews is a much better witness than Weinland, hands down.

Refail Ron is already irrefutably proven a False Prophet and Deceiver yet people still follow him. No one is going to boot him out, other than possibly the IRS CID. When his second timeline fails long enough, he'll either roll out timeline #3 or just spiritualize it away. He won't leave his pulpit until either he's taken away in handcuffs or it's pried from his cold dead hands. And it will be quite some time after Jan 1 before that happens.

As far as Matthews, I don't get the impression that he has the force of personality to hold this house of cards together.

Anonymous said...

Weinland's words are poison for the soul.

Anonymous said...

It appears Weinland has removed all sermons from his website other than his own. It's all about him, isn't it.

Anonymous said...

I sent Weinland an offer of $50,000 cash now for the deeds of his house, church and property, delivery in four years. Since he so sure that in that time they will all be gone, I am surprised he has not responded.

Maynard G. Krebs said...

You don't need a PHD to know that the Krebs cycle was invented in the 60's by Maynard G. Krebs and started by saying the word "work," to Maynard and ended with him repeating it and passing out.

Anyone should know this basic scientific reality.

Anonymous said...

Ron will never stop. When he is proven false again....he will tell the "unsealed" members they are the problem. They will accept his decision and try their hardest to "get closer to God". He will continue as he has been going and average enough of an income to "make it" to the end. The only other scenario is the IRS carting him off to jail. That photo (if I ever got it) would be my screen saver on my computer.

jack635 said...

"Weinland's words are poison for the soul."

That is the best one sentence comment I have ever read about Ronald Weinland.

jack635 said...

Here is the ultimate Ronald Weinland photo you can use for your screamsaver until you get the IRS photo.

Anonymous said...

You are a child of the devil and an enemy of everything that is right! You are full of all kinds of deceit and trickery. Will you never stop perverting the right ways of the Lord? Acts 13:10.

Purple Hymnal said...

"You are a....blah blah blah blah blah di blah blah blah blech"

Well, there's someone who wasn't around for Timeline #1, clearly. After all, we're supposed to be a quarter of the way through the Great Tribulation at this point!

Sorry to hear you got recruited between the multiplying false histories, anon.

Stephanie said...

OMG!!! I have believed in him..for My God...over a month...he had the power to change my belief