Saturday 18 August 2007

God smites LU

The champagne corks were meant to be popping this week as the Meredith Church launched its own niche Bible College, Living University (LU). Instead there were red faces, dark mumblings from church staffers and frustrated students all in a panic judging from what AW has heard.

"Living University was supposed to have gone online either Wednesday or Thursday, but apparently the $30,000 software package purchased to run the whole shebang failed. A number of their first batch of students were calling in, all worried that they wouldn't get credit for what they were taking if they couldn't get online to listen to the sermons, er, college lectures. Great start! So I think some in-house I.T. people were working well into the night Wednesday night and last night to try to write their own program to get things kicked off.

"Don't know if they'll get the $30K back or not... Maybe they finally kicked off today."

Or maybe they just got kicked in the keister by a dissatisfied Deity. I mean, how could this happen to God's remnant Work? Oh wait, silly me, obviously the LCG brethren haven't been praying hard enough. Maybe Rod should call another fast.


Anonymous said...

Sadly they have Dr.Germano giving bible courses that will not grant any acreditation. Some have to ask if he will be teaching some of the things he taught as he stayed way into the doctrinal changes from their mother church Worldlywide.

They have to also ask if they need to meditate on the last fast because the sad and sudden death of another minister named Mr.Ponder gives you but to seek out what PONDER means which is to reflect, consider or meditate and I honestly believe the Big Guns in Living have to ask themselves if they are running out of amo.

Anonymous said...

Not to worry.
It's just another attack by SATAN trying to stop God's TRUTH from galloping forth like the LORD'S FAVORITE PONY in these END TIMES!

So many attacks by SATAN!
So little competency.

But, a crap-a-rific Uni-vers-ih-tah WILL get going once the ALMIGHTY DEMANDS special offerings to counter-attack SATAN(and possibly the ghost of Terry Ratzmann?)

Maybe those crosses were DEMON INFESTED, and a few demons jumped into the hotel meeting room at the Sheraton Hotel in Brookfield, Wisconsin, then jumped into the pockets of spider-bite-infested LCG bigwhigs (who came and allayed the members' distress), and rode back to LCG HQ in the bigwhig's pockets, and then waited sooooo patiently, and then jumped into the software.

Whatever the case, all will eventually OBEY SPANKY'S AUTHOR-IH-TAH!


Anonymous said...

Question: Didn't Meredith just have a church wide fast recently?

Perhaps prayers were answered in an unexpected way.

Maybe God really is trying to tell Living something: That it has a name that it is living, but has dead software.

Hey! We want details on the software!

        AMERICAN KABUKI said...

I have some E-Learning software I'll sell them, plus a 10 user video conference system.

They can have the lot for $5,000 and it works.

Plus, get this, they were produced by a partnership between the son of HWA's former chauffer and a former White House Marine guard!

Of course if they buy it, it will mark the first time in my life where money flows away from Armstrong and towards me.

Anonymous said...

I believe Mr. "I hold that office" probably hacked into the site and brought it down for Christ sake.

His sermon this week will begin..."Brethren, I have never been quite this sneeky before. I think as the sermon goes on you will see that God has used me in an overarching way to preserve, our rise to the top of the COG splivers. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought God would use me this way.

I can't reveal to you, at this time, just what I was able to pull off, or rather, the nature of God's intervention, but it was definately of Christ, and I am asking you to trust me this is so.

My reputation will not be harmed as I have had others more techno savy do this for me and Christ of course.

And now brethren..let's rise and sing, "Twas not a foe who did deride, for that I could endure. No hater who thus rose in pride, else I would find myself assured. But thou it was , my friend and guide , we did as equals meet. We walked to God's house side by side, and blended counsel sweet...

And now the best part of all..."Death shall them seize and to the tomb alive they shall go down...." And lets smile Brethren!

Anonymous said...

From Dr. Meredith concerning the death of Carl Ponder:

"Dear brethren, please let this be a stern reminder to all of us that we need to be more careful about our own health—getting regular medical “check ups,” being extremely careful with regular diet, exercise and sleep and doing all we can to “avoid bodily injury.” God wants us to do our part—although, I know, we do sometimes feel constrained to go “above and beyond” in serving God’s people. But we certainly deeply need more ministers to serve God’s people. And Mr. Ponder’s loss will be terribly missed not only personally by many of us who knew him, but by the Work as a whole."

Certainly condolences to the family but how sad his passing has to be used as a "stern reminder" to avoid death through better living. People ends, you get older if you're lucky.

Anonymous said...

Dear brethren, please let this be a stern reminder to all of us that we need to be more careful about our own health—getting regular “check ups,” being extremely careful and doing all we can. God wants us to do our part—to avoid phishing, nasty viruses and system crashes.

Lussenheide said...

Looks like everything is up and running just fine at LU...

I took my first lesson from the professors this morning. Watch for yourself (copy and past into browser)...


NO2HWA said...

LCG has discovered the reason for the abysmal failure of it's Living University start up. I should have known!

>>Please announce that due to these start-up difficulties, assignment deadlines will be eased for the first few weeks. We need to remember that this is Satan’s world (II Corinthians 4:4) and that he will do all he can to create difficulties and confusion in this effort to make God’s Truth available to people around the world. Your prayers and patience are appreciated…<<

It's the big bad boy's fault! None
of the COG splinter cults can ever take responsibility for their STUPID mistakes.

Anonymous said...

Why wouldn't we expect that the Three Stooges would do well in classroom instruction?

They were Jewish weren't they?

They had talent.

This Spiritual Jew business is for the birds when it comes to Universities!

"The Devil made me do it" just doesn't wash.

Lussenheide said...

LU should advertise their "University" the way all unaccredited correspondce "colleges" used to do...

On the cover of matchbooks!

However, since we are now more modern, perhaps infomericals by Billy Mays, Ron Popeil, Matthew Lesko, or Kevin Trudeau to sell the "Home Study Theology Living University" would be the more appropriate vehicle for promoting LU.


Anonymous said...

Billy Mays would probably fit the genre best.

Anonymous said...

The Guide to Online Schools
is just one of several sites showing online colleges and universities of merit. University of Phoenix is on top, followed by Western Governors University. Others include Walden University, ITT Tech, Jones-International University, Colorado Technical University and DeVry University.

The colleges and universities are acknowledged to be credible and credited. They are acknowledged to be of highest excellence.

As a part of "counting the cost", anyone pursuing other venues of education need to be prepared to answer the questions of just what they expect to attain by "attending" and of what worth a "degree" might have. Credibility is earned.

Hobbies should be acknowledged for what they are.

Anonymous said...

According to his autobiography, HWA encountered what he titled "A $30K Headache" that caused him to delay the opening of Ambassador College and the start of classes in 1947 until October 8th.

Interesting how history repeats.

From what I hear, things at LU are working much better now than they were on Wednesday and Thursday.

Anonymous said...

The software is not in the computer.

Methinks,indeed, me knows that it is located within the cerebral hemispheres of Living stalwarts.