Sunday 26 November 2006
Ronnie warns the world
"The end-time has come. Hundreds of millions will die in the worst time of tribulation the world has ever known. You need to be informed so you can know how to respond."
(Ronnie Weinland's COG-PKG website)
Weinland claims that "this coming year (2007) is the preparation year for the church (His Church), he claims that 2008 is the year of the final witness to the world."
(WCG Alumni post)
The End is nigh! Prophecy is being fulfilled!
Since the disappointment of 1972, any number of self-appointed "watchmen" have been waggling their tonsils and announcing the impending tribulation. Take Willie Dankenbring for example. "His latest significant failure was in stating that Bill Clinton would be successor to Kofi Annan as the U.N. Secretary" (WCG Alumni post)
The method of preference is "strongly suggested possibility." The typical Herbal Prophet begins with tentative phrases such as "could it be that next year will see X happen?" ... then they proceed as if it's a dead certainty before exhorting the sheep to "dig deep" for the final push.
Then they blame the sheep for jumping to conclusions when nothing happens!
But back to Ronnie. The former UCG elder, now running his very own designer sect, COG-PKG, has written a book all about 2008. And lo, he doesn't seem to be prevaricating about his chosen dates. Thus saith Ronnie:
"From now until the latter part of 2008, many prophecies are going to begin to be fulfilled, especially the Seven Thunders of the Book of Revelation, which the apostle John saw but was restricted from recording. Those thunders are revealed in this book, as well as detailed accounts of the final three and one-half years of man's self-rule on earth, which are recorded in the account of the Seventh Seal of Revelation.
"Some of these prophecies concern the demise of the United States over the next two years, which will be followed by man's final world war."
But let's cheat and flick to the last page of this insightful opus:
"As the spokesman of God’s two end-time witnesses and as His end-time prophet, I have fulfilled my responsibility in placing the contents of this book before you. What you do with it is up to you. Indeed, only a very short time remains before it will be evident that I am who I say or that I am not [Yes, it's all about Ronnie - GR]. In the past 1900 years, have you ever read or heard of a publication from any religious leader who has made such claims, laying out such a precise pattern for the near future with such precise timelines? You have not! [Yes we have! - GR] This is the evidence (witness, testimony) of the true God of Abraham!"
And pretty shonky evidence it is.
To his credit he's not selling the thing. You can get a copy for free either in hard copy or via download, and hey, I suggest you do. A perfect demonstration of the blind stupidity of the "prophecy marches on" mentality. Drag it out in 2009 and, once you've checked your kneecaps*, rejoice in the knowledge that the world is still here and that, despite all our human failings, the Super-Fascist Kingdom of Ron has not arrived.
Now THAT'S Good News!
*"Every knee shall bow," which led the Armstrong exegetes to speculate that the returning Christ might need to use his "rod of iron" to smash a few kneecaps in order to achieve the desired outcome.