The following is a totally fictional dialogue, inspired by the news that Ronald Weinland has put the returning Christ in a parking orbit till 2012. It's bound to be less entertaining than any real interview Ron gives.
Interviewer (I): It is our pleasure to have Ronald Weinland back with us today. Welcome Ronald.
RW: Thank you Chuck, it's great to be back.
I: Last time we spoke with you The Great Tribulation was about to begin. Did that happen?
RW: Well Chuck, it's important to understand just how must misinformation there is out there. It makes it very hard for Christ's true ministers to...
I: Yes, but you were very definite Ronald. The Great Tribulation was to begin this year, in fact back in April wasn't it?
RW: Well, we need to back up a bit here Chuck. You see...
I: And wasn't there supposed to be nuclear war within ninety days of that? Isn't that what you said?
RW: Some people may have, unfortunately, understood, ah, misunderstood it and...
I: There is also the matter of the Two Witnesses Ronald. You were one of them, right?
RW: Well, yes, in a manner of...
I: And your wife Lulu-belle was to be the other?
RW: Laura, Mrs. Weinland, is indeed, as far as we have been given to understand...
I: Have either of you have been preaching in sackcloth over in Jerusalem yet?
RW: Well, we have been to Jerusalem, and I did give a very nice sermon for our people there, and we did stay in a pretty swanky hotel before coming back to the United States.
I: But aren't the Two Witnesses supposed to stay there and finish the job?
RW: The problem here is that false religion gets in the way Chuck. It creates false expectations. As Mr. Herbert W. Armstrong said many times, first you have to unlearn...
I: But Ronald, let me quote what you said...
RW: No, no, no Chuck. The truth is that there has been a great deal of misunderstanding and deliberate misrepresentation. Satan has been very active. To put things as simply as I can, God has cleared up a lot of the details as He has continued to reveal His will to me, and I can now confidently state that Christ is indeed returning in 2012.
RW: Yes, 2012.
I: Not 2008?
RW: Not 2008. That was an unfortunate misunderstanding.
I: Whose misunderstanding Ronald?
RW: I believe the church was unprepared, unready. They needed to pray and fast more.
I: So, if your church fails to pray and fast again in 2012 the date may get put back again then too?
RW: No, 2012 is definite, and I stake my reputation on it.
I: But you already staked your reputation on 2008.
RW: We're just moving forward as the Holy Spirit directs us Chuck, malicious accusations notwithstanding.
I: Ronald you said you'd quit preaching if you were wrong.
RW: I wasn't wrong Chuck. Some of the details needed clarifying, but I've been absolutely consistent all the way through.
I: There's no contradiction between 2008 and now 2012?
RW: Only among the carnally minded Chuck, and bear in mind that the scoffers are under God's curse and are being eaten alive by blood-sucking worms and tumors even as we speak.
I: Frankly Ronald, all this backtracking is giving me a headache.