Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Damned if you do and...

OK, I promise to get back to more relevant COG postings soon, but...

This is a bit more sophisticated than my earlier sideswipe at John Calvin, but it rings true (it's tempting to add "this is most certainly true," but I'd be giving away my bias), and you get free proof texts! Sorry Dennis, those Presbyterians are cultists, kind of, and there's no one who can demonstrate that holy truth better than Anthony Sacramone, bless his ascerbic pen. Luther had his problems, Lord knows, but at least he had a sense of humor - and knew the pleasures of a tankard of Wittenberg ale.

Do feel free to pass on the link to your Reformed friends and colleagues!


Anonymous said...

Who would have wanted Calvin as a pastor?

The guy must have been stern,stiff,stolid and stuffy.

And with no sense of humour at all,just like some "mainline" COGs I can think of.

You mentioned that Luther enjoyed a tankard of good Wittenberg ale.
I had Lutheran rellies who were divinity students at Wittenberg in the 1600s.Hopefully they wrapped their hands around a handle of the best house ale of the day.Shame upon them if they didn't.

Back to Calvin. Who would have wanted to serve HIS God? Unfortunately,thousands did.


The Third Witness said...

“It would have been easy, in the Calvinistic seventeenth century, to fall into the bottomless pit of predestination. It is easy to be a madman: it is easy to be a heretic. It is always easy to let the age have its head; the difficult thing is to keep one’s own.” (G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy)

Pray for us, Saint Athanasius. We JUST DON’T GET IT. A man once told us we were going to become God, but then some other men said: “Like hell!” Now some of us are starting to tiptoe through the TULIPs. And I confess to a sneaking suspicion that we don’t really exist.

Spot of gardening, anyone?

Neander-Dennis said...

Great article! Love the guiotine!

What's to be made of the fact that one of the great doctrines of the NT found in Heb 10:38 "the just shall live by faith," is a bit of a tweek from what Hab 2:4 really says..."the just shall live by HIS faith." Big diff. In the NT, Faith is it's own thing to live by but in the original context, ones' faith (the content of which seems personal) is what one lives by.

Organized Christianity seems to say, "The Just shall live by this faith...no, by this one. Nope, not that one, this one!"

Sadly and of course, I believe Homo Habilis, about 1.8MYA, lead to H. Ergaster which split into H. Erectus and H. Heidelbergensis. H. Erectus died out 1.5MYA as a dead end but Heidelbergensis split into H. Neanderthalis and H.Sapien.

H. Neanderthalis (H's stand for Homo, but I was reluctant to use the words "homo" and "erectus" in the same posting) dead ended about 30,000 years ago in southern Spain in a cave on Gibralter Avenue and H. Sapiens went on to rule the world and go to the moon. Dumbass H. Neanderthalis didn't even change their tools in 200,000 years so something was missing in the consciousness dept.

At any rate, we are pretty sure now that Ho..I mean H.Erectus died of boredom listening to H.Weinlandectus take 2.5 MY, I mean hours, to say what could easily have been said in 15 minutes.

H. Neanderthalis were considered Jewish and were driven to extinction by H. Lutherectus and H. Calvinalis types. Remnants of these hominids exist to this day.

Sadly and of course, we surviving H. Sapiens are in grave danger of being wiped out by even longer sermons by H. Packtalis and the many remnant Neander-COGS that still roam the world.

Watch your back! :)

aaaaannndddd......... said...

and......as the article notes....

"Keep something in mind: Every cult convinces its followers that it has the Truth because it’s small and rejected and misunderstood. I am not equating Presbyterians with cultists, mind. I’m simply saying that because something is believed by a relative few, and because what is believed is held to be offensive by the many, does not in and of itself make that belief true — or Scientology would be the One True Faith."

I think we could all find smaller sects than that in COGdom.

This reality is the fuel that runs every splinter of the WCG and every lone true church on a thousand hills.

Neander-Dennis said...

Reuters-Switzenbergen, Austria January 10, 2009

What is now thought to be a mummified Neanderthal body has been found in the outwash margin of a receding glacier.

The body, fully clothed and extremely well preserved is estimated to be approximately 42 years old.

At first it was suspected the H. Neanderthalis must have been buried in a blizzard. However, the frozen body was found face down with its hands clutching a beautiful Mousterian hand-axe which had been driven into its forehead.

A search of the Neanderthal's belongings produced a badly worn manuscript "20 --G..sfnalw itn.ss" was found. The title was not clearly legible.

Aside from the disturbing fact that Neanderthals now seem to have survived right up the present time, it is thought the contents of the manuscript lead the Neanderthal to fall on his own axe.

The manuscript was a hopeless mix of wild speculation and doublespeak which is now thought to be such that even a H. Sapien would have been hard pressed to survive the contents.

Scientists were puzzled that there was no money on the remains or food found in the stomach. The buttocks were unually flattened as by a lifetime of apparent sitting and just listening to others of his kind hour after hour.

Dr. Helmut Weisenheimer speculated the Neanderthal was fasting while reading the manuscript and was too weak to not fall on his axe.

Charlie said...

Dennis: That was hilarious!

Dennis said...

...of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most.


paco said...

Dennis - I think you must have been put on "double secret predestination" by Dean Wormer - or at least Flounder told me something like that...

Byker Bob said...

Hey, don't blame me, I tried to turn AC into Animal House before there was an Animal House, back in '66-'68. Problem was that all the faculty was just like Dean Wormer, while most of the students were of the basic Neidermeyer mold! The majority of my close, personal friends either left, or got expelled. It was just awful, a surreal and sometimes flatulent parallel universe, to be sure!